My Handa Are Full, My Heart Is Fuller

Whole wheat pancaked & Blueberry Syrup

2011-10-20T11:12:00.001-04:00

Breakfast...one of my favorites, yet undercooked. Today I made whole wheat pancakes and syrup...

Easy....

Now, I grind my own flour. Which sounds oh so hard, earthy...but it's NOT!!! The same amount of time it takes for you to go get your flour and measure...I go to my bucket, measure the kernels and I have flour.
But you DON'T have to....

3 cups wheat flour
1t. Salt
1t. Baking soda
2 1/2 t. Baking powder
1/3 c. Oil (I use EVOO)
4 eggs
3-4 c. Milk....until pancake mixture!!

Mix dry. Mix wet. Add together. Cook and top with your desire.

I made Blueberry Syrup. SUPER easy.
4 c. Blueberries...(I use frozen)
1/2 c. Honey
1/4 c. Orange Juice
2 T. Cornstarch
1/4 c. Water

Bring berries, honey & orange juice to boil. Simmer 1 minute. Dissolve cornstarch in cold water and add to syrup. Simmer until how thick you like.

Enjoy!!!

Lost and Found!!!!

2011-10-19T15:14:00.002-04:00

Cooking is just a relaxing thing for me. Some people run, some sew, some read, I cook. I lost for some time!!! But I believe it is FOUND!!!!
When we started Carmyn's therapy schedule at her young age of 9 months old, my spare time quickly became a taxi cab of to and fro for her. This schedule only multiplied with her diagnosis. Then the pregnancy of twins came, their birth and taking a stab at homeschooling our eldest. Needless to say for the span of 3 full years, the drive-thru became our best friend. Our local Taco Bell KNOWS US WELL!!!! They know our voice...HA!! I'd say we have eaten there a tad bit too much.
So, I have slowly started making dinners again. And good dinners if I say so myself. I am trying to incorporate health, fresh foods with LOTS of comfort. Comfort to me is a cozy feeling that gives you a sense of home, security and love!!!
So, I cook!!! Today I am making spaghetti sauce. I will be able to divide this into 3 meals!! HUGE PLUS on a night I just need a quick yummy meal!! Tonight we'll have a yummy comforting meal on this rainy cool day!!

Having A Moment

2011-09-10T19:28:00.002-04:00

I am having a moment. Just to vent a little. Pray a little. Talk a little. So, we going to the beach. It's a long drive for the children. I understand that. They are tired, hungry, antsy and irritable. So, we take the kids down to the beach. Colton LOVES IT!!! As expected!! I am happy for him!!!! Carmyn LOVES it, but doesn't understand danger at ALL!!! Completely scoots straight in to the water and gets rolled several times. A typical child would learn the lesson after a few hits. But not her. She gets up dazed and confused. Turns and goes for more. Then there is the twins. Aubrey and Addyson HATES it. They cry and scream the whole time. They do NOT like the sand and FORGET the water rolling of them and it breaks on the coastline. So I decide to take the girls back to the room. HA, on the way, Carmyn poops. UGH!! One thing truly sets me on edge. I tell her not to touch, BUT that was WISHFUL thinking. UGH!!! Ont he girls she smears. We get back to the room. ALL 3 are crying. Littles are screaming. I mean, REALLY??? REALLY???? REALLY?? These are the moments I HAVE to breathe and pray!! Breathe and pray!!! God, PLEASE make this true. We are so close to a cure!! PLEASE!!!!!

All the girls are asleep. Boys out to get dinner. Me, breathing and praying!!!

Lord, I look out and I see Your creation. Your majestic wonder. Your infinite power and wonder. You've healed the blind, the lame, the possessed, diseased and dead. I KNOW you can heal Carmyn too. Lord, we are close. Science is coming close. Please Lord, bless this research!! Open this pavement and allow the Angels to be healed. TO talk!!! TO reason!! To have control over motor!! TO have cognitive ability. Lord, give Carmyn a future to share her faith and talents with others. Help her to fully be able to engaged in life and with us. Help seizures to be controlled!! Thank you sweet Lord for allowing me as always, to vent!!! I LOVE you Father! Amen!!!

Lately

2011-09-06T11:50:00.002-04:00

I love blogging!! I really do. Because I have a million thoughts I would just like to get out. But as I have said before, life just happens and I don't end up making the time. I would love to say I am going to change and make the effort, but that would be a lie. Not an intentional one, but all the same I know myself.

I have been doing school for the past 6 weeks now with Colton. 1st grade!!! He's doing greou at. I am a workbook kind of gal. I WISH I was more carefree and Charlotte Mason kind of mom, but I am just not!!! Maybe someday. I envy those moms. The nature hike, classical music, hands-on project mommas. I am just textbook, check off the list, accomplish the main goal kind of mom. I struggle with this a bit, but you know what???? Colton works that way. He likes to have those subjects laid out and ready!!!He's very straight forward. So we work well together. We are currently using Rod & Staff, which I ADORE!!! And using Horizon. I like our school work!!!

I have been meaning to get Carmyn around to a lesson plan. I just haven't gotten to it yet. Her school will look a LOT different. Because of her disability, lack of speech, lack of attention span and motor skills, her school will be all about choices. I ask a question and she responds by pointing. SO it I could get my act together, she will have 30 minutes carved out for just her!!

Then my Littles. Dear Aubry & Addyson. They are just so sweet. I am enjoying them so much. With Colton being the first, I think I took the little moments for granted. Just plunged through with the milestones with a check list. Carmyn had obvious issues. These girls, AAAWWWWWWWW!!!!! Can you hearing me singing??? Every little milestone, trick, smile, laugh and even fits are just wonderful to me!! Amazing!! A blessing!!!

I am not sure where our future will take us. But I look forward to the journey!!!

GIVE AWAY!!!

2011-07-25T15:31:00.002-04:00

Jenn @ Muchkin Land Designs is doing a blog make over give away and more. This is her two year anniversary in business. Go on over and see what she's offering!!!

Too hot for suits!!! Too cute!!

2011-07-18T11:41:00.001-04:00

Trusting In Him

2011-06-04T11:45:00.001-04:00

Who are those you admire? Those Christian influences you look up to and want to emulate? That woman that shows you how to be a friend, how to be a mom, host, be gracious, be kind, a teacher and show and be the love of Christ!! Oh how lovely they are. It's even scriptural to have those women in our lives. Titus speaks of this. Especially for those of us that did not grow up in the church or have that kind of example, it's so important. And we need these people!!!

I try to be cautious of this though. For a few reasons.
One is comparison. A friend put it like this. Comparison is the death of contentment!!! WOW!!! I love this and oh how true it is! First I admire, then quickly it becomes __________________________. Fill in the blank. I am not as pretty, not as holy, not as knowledgeable, not as talented, not as great homeschooler, don't keep a lovely home, marriage isn't as great, husband isn't as good, not a good parent or godly. Oh the list can go pon and on. Where does this lead? Self destruction. Which can manifest in a lot of different ways.
I have done this in my life and I always end up feeling awful about myself.

Secondly, the disappointment. No matter how great the person, you'll be disappointed. Just human nature. We put these people in an unreachable position, which they do not belong. I've been disappointed countless times. Thinking each time would be different. Because they are "so good " "so godly" "so knowledgeable "....well maybe? Maybe not?

So, I truly try to listen and speak to God. Find His truths!!! I'm never disappointed!! And the relationships are better because I have to expectations!!! I just treat the time as a gift, and/ or lesson!!

Growth

2011-06-02T16:43:00.001-04:00

I love growing and eating fresh veggies. I have had a garden in the past. Huge to small. Last year I had nothing. I was too big and hot. This year I was three little girls that need a lot of attention, so I opted for pots. I see many doing it. Seems nice and easy. So far, I am very pleased!!! I will have tomatoes, yellow squash, zucchini, cucumbers, eggplant, peppers and herbs. No a bad little garden for just pots huh?
I can already see growth. I love that. Fruit of my labor. I pray God can say that about me. Ah, there's the growth daughter.

Lasting Memory

2011-06-02T16:42:00.001-04:00

I love projects that I will be able to look at years down the line and remember "those days". These precious precious little hands. I love em.

Peace of Heaven

2011-05-25T22:04:00.001-04:00

You know what I love? Knowing my children are fast asleep. Safe, content and all snuggled in their respective beds. All while I am sitting on our deck, in the dark watching fireflies dance in the night and listening to God's creation sing.....aawwwwww. This is so peaceful! So therapeutic!!!

Summer Days

2011-05-25T16:38:00.001-04:00

Here's Aubrey and Addyson @ 9 months. Pool time fun!!!

I hope this works from my phone...fingers crossed!!!

A Good Season

2011-05-15T11:56:00.003-04:00

I feel like I am in a really good season of life!! I LOVE this season of life. I really don't want this season to end. I am at peace. I am content. I love the ages of my children. Chris and I are at a good place.

It hasn't always been that way. Starting 6 years ago things began to get difficult for Chris and I and a downhill spin of turmoil. We had just learned we were expecting our first child (which was exciting news), Colton in October of 2004. Very soon after in January 2005, Chris' father had a severe car accident that now still requires constant care. During this time and the next several years we struggled financially and our family expanded to 6. We had a period with Chris out of work. We made some really bad choices. One choice we have NEVER regretting was me quitting work and becoming a full time mom!!!

Chris and I worked hard, sacrificed, and did without!!!! Over the past two years we have worked extremely hard to fix our mistakes and live within our means. We cut up credit cards. Saved and paid cash for things we needed. We have consigned, craigslisted, received hand me downs, borrowed and gone without. But you know what?? I am so much more happier than I have ever been!!!! I know I am doing right by my family. We are all healthy and happy. That is all that matters regardless of what we have or don't have and where it comes from!!! We have come to a place that material things are just not that important. Don't get me wrong, we like nice things and respect what we have, but I am not going to break my checking account to get it!! I am far more concerned with the character in my children that I am building. Can they love? Can they receive and give it? Can they forgive? Can they give grace? Can they enjoy time with just us hanging out? These are the things I/we invest in.

Secondly, I like having babies and chillin at home. I DO NOT envy the busy families!!! I see NOTHING wrong with the little league seen. But I dread it and sometimes wonder if I can avoid it. I LOVE sports, but boy it sure seems like families are strapped down to the schedule. Then we have 4 kids. HA!!! Can you imagine?!?! At this point I value family time far more. My child hasn't asked to be involved, so I am not going to throw him in every sport for the sake of it. If he ask, then we'll consider it. But he hasn't. So I cherish all these sweet mornings on the deck together. Eating popsicles, playing in sand and getting wet.

Yes, I am HAPPY!! Good season!! Ready for lazy days of summer!!!

JOY!!!!

2011-04-16T15:01:00.003-04:00

WOW!! Can I just say it still amazes me what God has transformed in my life. I trust more in Him and lean on Him for guidance. That brings me peace and joy!!

I started this past September (Actually August 30th) a new mom of twin baby girls. A mom of 4. A homeschool teacher. A definite new chapter in my parenting. I wasn't sure how it would all play out. I wasn't sure if I would be swallowed up and feel like I was drowning. But what I did know was that the Lord was for me and not against me. I did know that when I felt weary, He would lift me up. I did know I was in the midst of His will and I had peace about that.

I have learn so much in these past 8 months. I have felt more peace than I have in the past 6 years since become a mother for the first time. I know it is because for the first time I am 100% where God wants me. I am trusting Him and not leaning on my own understanding. I adore where I am at and I NEVER want to turn back. What looks like craziness to the worlds standards is my peace!!!

Homeschooling has been a WONDERFUL experience for our family this school year. It will be taking a new turn here very soon. One, my husband and I have discussed and prayed. We are going to homeschool year around. It makes sense and works for our family. Two, I will beginning preschool with our Carmyn. I was able to go to a training specifically designed for Angelman children. So I am very excited to incorporate our Carm Carm into our day. I believe she has so much to learn and teach us. The little girls are doing amazingly well. Growing by leaps and bounds. Soon they will be little pin balls and bring a whole new dynamic to the day. But all welcomed!!!

Quick Pictures

2011-03-20T16:51:00.005-04:00

Where has the time gone?? Some days I wonder myself. These past 6 months have been both wonderful and hard. But mostly wonderful. I have two very healthy & happy 6 months old girls. A 3 year old girl learning to walk and getting better by the day. And very smart 5 year old boy who has had a successful first year of homeschool. All in all, I'd say good. I have had a lot less sleep ;-), but it's ALL good.

I feel I have so much to say, yet nothing at all. Does that even make sense?? This started off as a journal....and I still want it to be. So I am going to try with more effort to do just that.

Until I am back....some pictures...

Carmyn standing like a BIG girl.

Colton and his sisters....he LOVES them!!

Aubrey Faith 6 months.

Addyson Hope 6 months.

The Angels Are Dancing Praises Tonight!!!

2010-11-08T21:38:00.002-05:00

I have much to share but for now....my heart is full!! My first born, my son, my beloved has asked Jesus into his heart. It was sweet, just the two of us, straight forward...so Colton. I am so proud of my little guy and thankful we will share eternity together!!!

The Girls Turning 3 & 1 Month Old

2010-09-28T02:02:00.009-04:00

Carmyn turned 3!!!! Hard to believe my baby is already 3. In some ways it feels like she has been here for YEARS!!! This journey of Angelman's has been the toughest experience I have been through. The emotional roller coaster can be consuming some days. I have spent two years of my life living out of the car and headed to as many therapies as possible. In a way, I was trying to cure Carmyn. Fix her. Make her "normal". Maker her as "typical" as possible. Truth is, I can't cure my Carmyn. Only GOD can. I take nothing away from the therapist and all their work. They have been priceless to our family, appreciated and still needed.But therapy 4-5 days a week is not going to magically fix my Carmyn. Improve, yes! But cure, no! Will a break cause my child to be behind? Guess what? SHE ALREADY IS!!!! I think over the past two months the Lord has freed me from a bondage. A bondage that this is MY fight. My cause. I still work with Carmyn, pray and take her to therapy, but I will no longer allow it to consume me. I have a family. 3 other children who need me and depend on me. Putting all my effort and time into just one is simply not fair nor right. I believe the Lord is telling me to lean more on Him.

Proverbs 3:5-7 (New International Version)

⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

⁶ in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight. ^a]">[a]

⁷ Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD and shun evil.

I do not understand this journey or why our family was chosen, but trusting is all I can do. Trusting is the ONLY thing that brings me peace. Because doing this alone is exhausting.

So, my little Angel has turned 3!!! This third birthday she is able to cruise all over the furniture. Has taken 2-3 independent steps. Can walk with a grocery cart...which is so precious!! Can sit at the table in a booster chair and finger eat food. (Not all angels can...we are blessed) Carmyn can shake her head no. She can say momma, yumm-yumm, no no. Carmyn has had seizure control for two years!! PRAISES!! Carmyn can follow simple commands such as come here, sit down, bring that to me. We look forward to what the next year of challenges and accomplishments brings. Love her SO much!! I sure wouldn't be the person I am today without her!!!

Carmyn doesn't like a lot of noise....the Happy Birthday song she was a bit unsure...

mushy mushy

Aubrey & Addyson have turned 1 month old. ONE month...wow...time flies when you're sleep deprived...haha. These girls are so precious and such a welcomed addition to our family. I did believe the Lord was off of His rocker for giving us twins. Chris says I am off my rocker for even saying that to the Lord. I am just being honest tho :-) !! But I am so glad He did chose twins. These girls are such a blessing. I think the girl are the link to my releasing Carmyn to God. The link to trusting more and giving up the control. They have helped me shift my purpose. My purpose now is to just be a good mom, wife and home school teacher. And you know what...I LOVE IT! ! ! ! Is it tough?? Some days! Merely because I am so tired an feel like a one man show. But I wouldn't change a thing!!

The girls are loved so much by their BIG brother. He has been GREAT! Very helpful and loving. Carmyn is still not sure and a tad rough, but we're working on it.

They still sleep a lot, eat every 2.5-3 hours. Because of a little jaundice, sucking issues while in the hospital, the girls get a bottle. Not my plan, but....I am pumping, so all they get is breast milk. I even have quite a stash in the freezer. My prayer is that we can get through the first of the year. Pumping can be time consuming, but well worth it. We shall see. For now, they are getting breast milk and that is all that matters to me. As well, I have daddy and Colton that can help me feed. Which is nice at times for sure!!

Aubrey & Addyson~I love you so much and look forward to getting to know each of your little personalities!!!

Just brought home....Aubrey on left Addyson on right

Addyson

Aubrey

1 month old. Aubrey left/Addyson right

Aubrey/Addyson

Addyson Hope....shirt says Future T as in UT Cheerleader :)

Aubrey Faith....shirt says Fan Since Birth... :)

Well...that has been the month here...good times!!! Thankful for my little blessings!! Excited for October and all the fun festive things that brings......Happy Fall!!!

Aubrey Faith & Addyson Hope

2010-09-13T22:36:00.005-04:00

Just Before Going Back For The C~Section

Just Came Back As A New Momma Of 4 With Two New Girls

Aubrey Faith & Addyson Hope

New PROUD BIG Brother

Fuzzy Headed Little Ducklings

Snuggle Buddies

Aubrey Faith

Addyson Hope

My BEAUTIFUL Babies

My babies are here!!! Thanks to sweet Amanda, you already know that. I am so in love. These sweet babies girls are just precious and are a welcome addition to our home. I am extremely tired. These precious little peanuts LOVE the night life!! I also have two other children who KNOW their days and nights very well, so that puts this momma in a pickle!! But I know these sleepless nights won't last forever and I am trying to savor these moments! I am so blessed!!

The Southern Belles

2010-09-02T17:41:00.002-04:00

Aubrey and Addyson

Monday morning before the girls!

BABY GIRLS ARE HERE!

2010-09-01T10:10:00.002-04:00

Hey everyone, this is Amanda in Texas posting for Paula, Mama to gorgeous twin baby girls!

Paula had her last Doctor's appointment Monday morning and they decided the girls were ready to celebrate a Birthday. And Mama was for sure ready! The Tennessee Southern Belles arrived around 4pm eastern time on August 30th. The girls were anxious to get here in time to watch the first Vols game of the season this Saturday with their Daddy! Apparently their orange outfits are ready and waiting!

Praise God for a healthy delivery and no NICU! These girls have been with their Mama non-stop learning to nurse and cuddling with their Daddy! Paula is a super woman as far as I am concerned and despite recovering from a c-section, she is doing great! I am so proud to call her friend!

Aubrey Faith 5 lbs 13 oz and 18 inches

Addyson Hope 5 lbs 2 oz and 17 1/2 inches

Please join me in celebrating the birth of these beautiful baby girls! I've seen some pictures and Daddy apparently is already teaching big brother Colton to guard those girls with his life. There will be NO BOYS allowed! He has already done a great job keeping the boys away from Carmyn so the boys don't have a chance with these girls either!

Paula will be sending me more pictures and I promise to post them as soon as I get them!

No baby yet!!!!

2010-08-28T21:20:00.002-04:00

Colossians 3:12

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved,
clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility,
gentleness and patience.

Patience, waiting, going nuts...waiting for these girls has been one of the most challenging things I have had to endure. I have tried all the "labor inducers". Nadda. Went to the doctor last Monday and I was dilated to three. Three sounds like...wow...could be soon. I was sent to the hospital to track contractions and take a steroid to even more develop the girls' lungs.. And you know what????? NOT A ONE contraction!!!!!!!!! I left there and had all kinds of Braxton Hicks. But there, in order to keep me....NONE!!! I understand it is for the best. I DO want these girls to be healthy and strong, but I am losing my mind. I don't want this to be a complaining fest, but you know what???? This is my blog. I do this to journal my feelings. And these are my current feelings/frustrations. So....here goes the complaints.

I am tired of being so swelled. My feet look like Fred Flinstone sister's feet. Or what I would imagine.
I am tired of not being able to wear my wedding ring because my fingers are so fat.
I am tired, but have insomnia....I am up all hours of the night and so desperately wanting to sleep.
I am tired of the belly hurting from being stretched so big.
I am tired of using the bathroom 24/7.
I am tired of this HORRIBLE heartburn that has been making me throw up every night.
I am tired of waddling and not having great balance to walk around.
I am tired of not being able to hold and hug my two kids as I would like.
I am tired of being tired.

Now, doesn't that just sound AWFUL!! How dare a blessed woman like me, that God would be so gracious to give me not just one, but two babies complain like that?? Trust me..I ask myself the same question. I feel guilty about it. I just want to be honest about my true feelings and frustrations.

But you know what...I am so in love with these girls and I have never seen them. So I would do it all over again. Again!! And again!!!

I will be 36 weeks Tuesday. I go to my doctor on Monday. I am hoping for progress so we can have the babies then. Another part of my selfishness is that my husband is off from last Wednesday plus two weeks. I really REALLY would LOVE him home to help me after the c-section as much as possible. He is already booked for work in September.....so it would be such a blessing to have him home with me.

On the opposite of all this complaining....I am looking forward to snuggling with my girls. Seeing them in there cute game day outfits. GO UT VOLS!!! Having all four children go to the pumpkin patch!! Having all four see Santa. Taking a family picture of SIX!!!! A picture of all FOUR kids together!! Buying the children each their own Hallmark Ornament. Oh, I am excited!! This will be so much fun!! I am going to LOVE having four children. I always wanted a large family, with a lot of noise and laughter. Thank you God for blessing me!!!

Psalm 127:5

Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.

Okay, I am done complaining. Just going to try to enjoy these last few days. Focus on the prize...babies and know it is almost here!!! I am blessed beyond measure to matter when it happens!!!

33 Weeks Pregnant

2010-08-13T20:53:00.008-04:00

My Handsome Son!!!

My Beautiful Girl

Myself and Colton

THE BIG BELLY!!!!!

33 Weeks Pregnant with
Addyson Hope & Aubrey Faith

I am 33 weeks and 3 days pregnant today. Went to the doctor and everything looks well. I have already dilated to two. Could mean soon.....or not. I went three plus weeks at 3 centimeters with Colton. But these are twins, so I am hoping sooner than later!!!! I am SO ready. My prayer is when the girls are healthy, then I am ready to go!!! Aubrey is breech and Addyson is transverse, so I WILL be having a C-Section. I have to admit, I am a bit scared. I know doctors preform these all the time, but I have never had one. So knowing it is coming makes me a bit apprehensive. But, I know God is ALL over this, so I am trusting all will be well. I am just so excited to hold, smell, cuddle, kiss and see these beautiful little blessings!! Everything is ready...just waiting on them!!! So we shall see.......

1st Day of School

2010-08-09T21:55:00.005-04:00

Today was Colton's first day of school!! Today was my first day as a HOMESCHOOL mom!! :) I started the morning with Colton's favorite breakfast, chocolate chip pancakes!!!!

Then we began school. We had a morning lesson on creation, math and phonics/reading. Colton LOVED it and I did too.

Here is my HANDSOME man on his first day of Kindergarten!!

I pray that where I fail, God fills in the gaps!!! I pray for patience, creativity, organization, fun, joy, and lots of GRACE!!! (For myself!!!) I pray for Colton to have a heart for learning and a desire to know more.

I am excited to see how this year progresses!! It will be an adventure...with two new babies....so we shall see.

What Is Going On Here

2010-08-05T22:07:00.004-04:00

What is going on here?? A whole lot of little projects. My "list" before the babies come. Which has been a little hard since it has been EXTREMELY hot and humid here along with that I am so tired and achy. But, we are almost done!!

For starters...consigning. Can I just say that it was a CHORE!!! Here in our area, we have a HUGE..did I say HUGE??? I mean HUGE children consignment sale twice a year. Once in the fall and once in the spring. You can find EVERYTHING for babies to toddlers to young children. Last Spring I bought a few things. This time I participated by consigning all of Colton's clothes. I say all...I mean ALL. From birth to 5T.....My it is shameful in how much he had. It took me a month, WITH HELP, to sort, match out fits, hang up, pin to hangers, tag with a description and price each piece of clothing. 6 HUGE totes full. It was a CHORE, but well worth it. We were able to use the money for my "list."

We also sold my vehicle (which we still owed on) and bought another. NO MORE PAYMENT!!!! I cannot even tell you how THRILLED I am about this!!! NO PAYMENT!!! Thank you Jesus!! He knew we needed the extra money!! :) I LOVE my new to me Expedition. It will be perfect for our family of 6!!!

We have hung pictures.

We have rearranged.

We have DE-CLUTTERED!!!

We have fixed plenty of little house hold items that needed to be done!!

We have put the crib up, washed itty bitty baby clothes :), folded them ready for use.

We have TRIED to have some fun in this insane heat!!!!
Colton & Carmyn riding their FAVORITE toy!!!
Colton & Carmyn enjoying their NEW toy. Actually a birthday gift!!!
Then we just finished re-doing Colton's room. I just LOVE it. It is such a BIG boy room!! We were so happy to do this for him!!!

Last my VERY SWEET HUSBAND bought and installed a dishwasher for me!! I have never had one before!! I can't even tell you how EXCITED I am. Oh how helpful will that be for me. Especially during the early weeks of new babies. The BEST gift ever....next to all my babies!!!

These are pictures at about 28 weeks. I am now 32. Addyson & Aubrey are doing GREAT!!! Healthy and strong. Roughly around 4lbs each. I am tired, sore, and SO READY to see these girls. So far, it looks like these girls are hanging in there...sigh...which is good....but I am ready. My prayer is when the girls are healthy, lungs are developed and independent breathing is strong that our GOOD and GRACIOUS God will let me have these babies!! Trying to have peace knowing that HIS ways are far better than mine!!

The Last BIGGIE for us is .........Monday.....I will let you know soon!!

New Blog Maker Over

2010-07-20T20:15:00.002-04:00

Jennifer over at Knee-Deep In Munchkin Land, who also does blog designs is giving an amazing giveaway for her year anniversary of designing. Click on over to see her work and free giveaway!!!!

The Virus & Being Faithful

2010-07-16T10:06:00.004-04:00

Our little house has been struck with a yucky virus this week. It started with Colton, then Carmyn on to me and last daddy!! Shew....I do believe that the worst is over. As you mommies out there know, cleaning up the vomits, diarrhea, feeling like you need to shower your self and the kids 24/7 and sanitize the house is VERY tiring!!! Then top that with feeling awful!!

What I have thought through this is, there should be a on call nurse to take care of children while a mom and/or dad needs to sleep off their sickness!! Wouldn't that be nice. Sure, I have family. But I wouldn't want to get them sick nor would they want to be sick. It sounds all good and nice in theory, but I could leave my children with a stranger.....just dreaming.

We did make it out alive!! And thankful for health. I can't say we all have our full appetite back, not that it hurts any of us...well....maybe me. But I think worst is over....THANK YOU JESUS!!!

On the other news. We have sold my vehicle. I have or should say had a 2005 Lincoln Navigator. I must say, I LOVE it. It has every bell and whistle imaginable on it. It is beautiful and does get attention. I know it is just a material thing. And that should not truly matter, but I did love it. WE did buy it for a GREAT deal and below market value at an auction, but still....too much money. We also bought it before the economic turn, job loss, gain, job loss and gain and gas price hike. We also bought it with one child. We are STILL making payments.....sigh!! With the two girls coming, we really have had to re-evaluate our situation and be better stewards with our money. This was NOT honoring God for us. It is/was wasteful. So, the Lincoln is SOLD!! Dropping it off today. With the little money we made, we are getting an older expedition...11 years old...and you know what...THAT IS OKAY!!! Great actually!! Because it will come without a payment!! I know we need all the extra money we can for diapers and such!! So, I am passing on the material loves for a better investment!! MY CHILDREN!!! Choosing to invest in them!! Getting ready to bring home our new baby girls and homeschool my favorite little boy!! I am blessed!!! More blessed than any house or car I could drive!!!!

pregnancy

2010-07-07T14:04:00.003-04:00

Excuse the mess!!!
This is 25 weeks. I am now 28.
I can promise you in the world of twins...every week is bigger!! :)

I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July!! Ours was quiet and peaceful. I did not have the energy to do much. It is BLAZING hot here and honestly I just do not have the energy. So, I have no pictures to show for it! =( It will be the first holiday since I have had Colton that I do not have at least one picture of remembrance. SAD on me.....but I just couldn't get it together.

I LOVED being pregnant with Colton and Carmyn. Every part was beautiful and a miracle to me. I had plenty of energy. I was healthy. I was able to keep my same routine until the end including working out. But this is NOT the case this time. First of all, I did not go into this pregnancy the healthiest. Not that I was over weight, but I was carrying more weight than the last two and I have not worked out AT ALL since Carmyn's diagnosis January 9, 2009. I have fell into somewhat of a depression over it. I don't think it is bad in that it has taken over my life, unable to function or care for my kids. But enough that caring about myself....what does it matter? I have lost a little of my skip in my step.

I can tell a HUGE difference in how I feel. I am very easily tired and winded. Washing dishes and then bringing up a load of laundry literally DRAINS me and makes me feel like I have to lie down. I am out of breathe, I have cervix pressure, I have the WORST heartburn I have EVER experienced in my life. Sitting, standing and laying down are all uncomfortable. I just want to sleep! Sleep! Sleep! But that is impossible with a 5 and almost 3 year old. So I push...until night comes and I just crash. I am worthless and no good.

Overall, this is a tough pregnancy. I am not enjoying it. Two babies make a HUGE difference!! I can not fathom any more inside this belly. It already feels like it is going to split wide open. BUT!!! But I would do it all over again. Every kick, roll, flutter, ultrasound to see these girls precious little face, arm, legs and heartbeat makes it ALL worth it!! I know in a matter of time, these sweet girls will be in my arms and I will get to see their precious little faces, smell that sweet new baby smell and hear those sweet tiny little coos and I will not remember one bit of this!!! I will be all worth it!! What is the saying....no pain no gain. Well, I am gaining far more than any pain I am feeling!!!

I am 28 weeks. I pray I am able to go to at least 35 weeks, but praying for more!! Please pray for God's PERFECT timing in it all. For the health of the girls, myself and that daddy will be close by. He does travel with work. So we are praying it happens when he is close by!!

Home Schooling!!!

2010-06-26T22:20:00.002-04:00

I had the most wonderful opportunity to go to our local Home School Conference this week. I enjoyed it for the most part. The first speaker was on an introduction to homeschooling. Unfortunately I did not get that. Her youngest is 11, so I think most of her ideas are fairly recent experiences, which doesn't help me with a 5 year old. But she did have some great points. So I walked about with what I could. One being open and don't feel set in stone in any one curriculum or theory. Do what works for our family and each child. Which could be different for each one. Enjoy this experience!!! And feel honored to be able to Shepard my children all day!!! That I do!! I am so thankful. I know to the outside it seems like a HUGE undertaking with the twins coming and Carmyn, but...BUT...if it is what God has called me/our family to do this....then is it really too hard? Isn't His grace sufficient? It is!! So I am excited.

The stress I am feeling now is narrowing down my curriculum. To start off we are going to focus on Math and Reading/Phonics. I am torn between Abeka and Horizon from Alpha Omega. I am not sure why I am so torn. I am indecisive and it is making me batty!!! They are so similar...what is the hold up? Just waiting to hear that confirmation from God. What I did decide on is Rod and Staff for some extra reading and Bible lessons. They are such a sweet little company. I really believe we are going to enjoy these lessons!!! Then I am going to READ! READ!! And READ!!! The advice I have received the most from veteran homeschool moms is spend A LOT of time this kindergarten year reading!! So we are going to make very good use of our new local library card!!!

I am praying that we have a wonderful experience this year and that God will bless my effort and fill in the gaps where I lack. I am excited for new beginnings......for us all!!!

2010-06-18T14:56:00.002-04:00

I just read this link from my friend Amanda's blog!! I just had to re post it, not that I have as many readers....but it spoke to me!! I am about to have 4 children. I may or may not be done. According to my husband, YES!! But my heart is just not so sure. So I pray!! I pray God's will over power ours!! But what astounds me is that other people feel they have the "right" to tell you you're crazy for having a large family. Like you are irresponsible and doing your children and the world a disservice. WHAT DOES IT MATTER if they are being taken care of and are good children. Why is it the right of a stranger or family members to prejudge and tell you how to live??? If Chris and I want more children. The Lord wants us to have more children. Then we should not be judged by our choices!!! I have NO desire to have 19 children like Mr. and Mrs Dugger, but I feel super happy for her and her choice. They are following God's plan for their family. That is not the same plan for each family. I am okay with that!! I don't know!! But I strongly support the families out there that choose to have a large family. I am sure they are full of love and family fun!!! So anyways....just wanted to share!!!

Random

2010-06-15T21:31:00.002-04:00

I may be all over the place. I have a few thoughts not necessarily that go together. Please bare with me.

I am 25 weeks pregnant today. 25 weeks...that seem so close to the end. With my other two children I knew I had time. This time, with the girls, it feels like tomorrow. That brings excitement, anxiety, fears, joy, & sadness. I am thrilled to meet these girls!! Scared it will happen sooner than later. Scared the babies will need extra medical care and be sick. Fear I am not equipped to take care for these babies. Fear of trying to breastfeed these babies. (I have a friend that did her twins AT THE SAME TIME for a FULL year) Worried about losing my mind, sleep and taking care of my other two kids. Feeling joy because I KNOW I am blessed. Sad because this is most likely it. I know I should not feel so sad, I will be blessed with four children. But to me, it is closing a chapter and that seems so mournful.

I will be heading to a homeschool conference/fair next Friday. Boy that is excited and scary to me!! WHAT IN THE WORLD AM I THINKING??????? I know I am doing the right thing. I have 100% peace about it, but I do sit back and look at the situation at times and call myself NUTTY!!! I always loved the beginning of the school year. The smell of new crayons, newly sharpened pencils, unused erasers, new folders, and a clean slate. But now I am CHOOSING a curriculum opposed to one being handed to me to teach. I want to find the perfect one for Colton, for US!! Is there a perfect one? Probably not. I tend to doubt myself a lot, so I am worried I will not pick well. Luckily I am going with my SIL. A seasoned HS. Her children are 13 and 10. So I will trust her opinion and pray that God gives me the peace to know.

I also am a little frustrated my house is not prepared for the babies and this fall. My husband says to trust it will all get done and I know it will, but I wanted it done yesterday. He works very hard all week, so all we have the weekends. We have been very covered up and haven't had time to prepare. But that stresses me out!! Will it truly matter? Can they pack and play it? Of course, but I have a check list and I feel like I need it completed to feel at peace. Ready. Maybe that is just a fairy tale. Maybe that is not trusting God. I am trying to keep level headed and take it a day at a time.

I also have been feeling tough. Some days are good and some are bad. I feel like my skin is going to explode and how in the WORLD can it grow anymore. It hurts. Is this normal??? And I also tend to do too much and really feel the cervix pressure. That is always scary. I have a goal. 34 weeks would be a great. 35 better and least 36 best!! But in the world of multiples (well any baby) that just may not happen. I continue to pray for God's mercies. To help me carry these girls until they are good, healthy, chubby and ready to breathe and come home :) As well as trying to lay around more. Gosh darn it that is hard!!!!!

The HEAT!! Oh my the HEAT here in Tennessee has been Ridiculous!!! HOT and HUMID!! I HATE it!! I can't stand to be outside and I feel so guilty because my kids are spending their summer indoors. I try remind myself that one summer will not hurt them and that this season shall pass!! But boy the mommy guilt. I feel crappy, low energy and like I am NO fun!! Uncreative, non playful! Lame!! I know Satan would love for me to hang on all these lies. That is why he feeds me them. Luckily God uses other to whisper sweet words of encouragement!! I need it most days.

Well, I suppose that is the end of my thoughts. May come up with more...but I am hitting the bed to do a little me time!! A BOOK!!! A treasure!!

20 weeks ans counting!!!

2010-05-11T10:20:00.005-04:00

I am 20 weeks today! WOW!! That is half way for a singleton, a little more than half way for twins. That is hard to believe!!! I go next Monday for the ultrasound. The one that tells you the health and measurements. I am looking forward to this. This is also the ultra sound that tells us if we are having two girls or two boys. Luckily, at our last visit the technician was so good she already has told us that. She checked three times and was confident in her answer. Our home will be blessed with two little girls. So at this visit I will have the technician confirm that again!! I just want to be more sure!! :) But more so, I like to see everything is developing normally. As normal and as healthy as we can tell on a monitor.

I am so anxious. With our other two other children we pretty much picked our induction date, planned and knew what day to prepare for. It is not the case this time. This time it is MOST important to keep these girls in as LONG as possible. So that may include bed rest. The thought of bed rest is just daunting. I KNOW in the grand scheme of things this is best and such a short lived thing, but when you are a mother and use to doing all the house work and talking care of of all your children needs....it is hard. I know none of this takes the Lord by surprise. HE is prepared and ready for the next step. I am not. So I need to sit and trust. Trust he has our best interest at heart. The other anxiety I have is preterm babies that are in the NICU!! I pray and pray for healthy girls to bring home. It scares me. It consumes me. I want to be free and trust, but it is so hard. To be honest, I won't be at rest with it until the girls are here. I KNOW that is not what the Lord wants of me and to hear, but I am being honest. It is my struggle!! I have planned to rest more come mid July. I have come to terms I will do earlier if I need to as well!! I am trying to trust and listen to myself!! This is a season. SO short lived really!! My main job is to grow big and healthy girls!!

Speaking of girls. We have names. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my names. With much thought and back and forth with my sweet husband Chris. And a little input from Colton the girls names are........

ADDYSON HOPE
AUBREY FAITH

Aren't they just beautiful?!?!?! I LOVE them!!!

Coming Out and Making Decisions!!!

2010-04-27T20:09:00.002-04:00

Have I said lately that our family has been in a whirlwind of emotions since we found out we were having twins??? Well, we have. We are now in a place where we have accepted it and are excited about our expanding family. But then came other decisions.

Let me start by saying I tend to be a bit bottled up with my struggles. Not just on here on a public blog, but in life in general. With my family including my husband Chris. Why you ask? Why I asked my self? I think it mostly has to do with pride. I don't want to appear weak and I don't want to "burden" others with my problems. I figure there is always someone out there in a worse situation, that I should not complain. Chris works hard and travels so I don't want him to worry or deal with my "stuff". So, I bottle up my worries, concerns, fears, and struggles. I think all these emotions have come to head tho...

I am currently 18 weeks pregnant. I am very capable for keeping the kids and house, BUT I am getting VERY tired and my back is KILLING me quickly. I KNOW keeping up four full days of therapy, and the house, and playing with the kids, and being the "perfect" mom/wife is quickly coming to an end. I KNOW I need to slow down, however I fight with that because then somehow I am not doing Carmyn well. She NEEDS to be in therapy. It is the only way she'll progress. That makes me a good mom. Doing the right thing. These are the lies satan is feeding me and I am believing. I weigh this with if I don't slow down, I will end up in preterm labor and have two very sick girls in the NICU. That is the LAST thing I want. So with my much much MUCH prayer and the amazing support of my husband and sister in law, I will stop therapies after I am 29 weeks pregnant. I have already told the therapist and you know what...the weight has lifted. I am happy and content with my choice. The rest will be WELL needed!!

That is NOT all. Second struggle. Allowing my self to take Carmyn out of therapies for an extended period of time. Through the winter, Flu and RSV season. Again all those feelings of not being a good mom and doing what is best for Carmyn all resurfaced with this. She just HAS to continue. I just have to manage the twins with my crazy schedule. At some point I just prayed that I would not be disabled by others opinions and just do what is right for our family. So we are taking a break through March. WOW!!! What a lift!! What a WELCOMED break!!! I am tired. I am truly tired. I have kept up this schedule since Carmyn was 9 months old. Even though I will be home with a 5 year old, 3 year old and two new baby twins....I think it may feel like a break. I won't have to leave my house daily!! AAAHHHHHH!!! So, I have as well shared my plans with my therapist and they support me. So I am going to stay home. Enjoy my two older children and get to know my two new babies. I am going to keep them in, get some size on them and grow their immune system!!!

Third decision, which was hard but may have been the easiest. I am keeping Carmyn home. At three children with special needs are available for developmental preschool. It is encouraged and pushed. I didn't put my typical child in preschool, I can't send my baby!! I KNOW some people believe in it. I KNOW some people have no other choice. And you know what? That is great and perfect for THEM!! I judge NOT!!! But it is NOT perfect for us!! I am NOT a therapist at all, but I am a teacher. I will keep Carmyn home and work on recognition of objects and making choices and let her be a three year old!! She is just a toddler!! A baby! Good gosh I expect a 100 times more out of her than I ever did Colton AND she is disabled. So, she gets a break with her family!!!

Last decision.....one of the hardest to voice because I fear the disapproval of people. I fear the mere thought that I am not being a good mom or doing what is best for my children. I have decide to homeschool. Yes HOMESCHOOL!!! I am going to homeschool Colton for Kindergarten. I feel such a HUGE weight lifted by staring that!! By knowing for sure 100% that I am going to homeschool gives me peace. I knew I would a few years ago. Chris and I have felt called to do this about two years now. But then Carmyn and now twins....it just clouded my decision. But what I realized is God is so much BIGGER than me. He is capable. If He is capable, He will help me to be capable. He will guide me, give me strength and the support and guidance I need. Which I already have with my SIL!!!

So I will have a HUGE fall. September, I have new babies due and either before or after starting to teach our first born son!!! You know what??? I am EXCITED and at MORE peace than I have been in a LONG time!!! I will not live for the nay sayers. I will NOT

fear of human opinion DISABLES,

trusting in GOD protects you from that!!!

Proverbs 29:25

I am at a good place. I am happy. I feel good about what my LORD, my husband and I have decided!! Isn't that what is important??? In my home, it is!!! So now as I wait for these babies to come....I have some curriculum planning!!! :)

10 Years!!!!

2010-04-22T09:21:00.003-04:00

Today is my, our 10 Anniversary!!! 10 YEARS!! A decade! WOW!! Does it seem possible???? I remember barely sleeping the night before. I woke up bright and early to take a shower and go get my nails done. Then I was off to get my hair done. I had my cousin-in-law by new marriage...is that really a relationship??? It is to me!! Jenny was with me. She was just newly married 5 months before me. Her husband is my husband's cousin. They are one month apart and closer than and two girls I have ever seen!!!!
Anyways, back to prepping.....I got my nails done, by the way I look at pictures now...WAY TOO LONG!!! Then my hair. I picked a salon I had never been to before. I really wasn't into "stylish" hair back then and didn't have a set hairdresser. Probably would have done differently, but it was fine. Then Jenn and I headed to the church. I was SOSOSO excited. We were the first to arrive followed closely by my now sister in law and her two children. Looking back at pictures, my poor niece was so sick and I guess I was too wrapped up to notice. We started to get ready. Make up first, then lotion, girdle, panty hose, garter and then the dress. You never feel SO pretty as the moment you put on a wedding dress. It is a Cinderella moment!! My mother in law let me borrow her pearl necklace. And my sister in law let me borrow her pearl earrings. I was ready!! Now the waiting. My Uncle, Aunt, cousin and her family, and Grandmother traveled from Chicago to be there. That meant the world to me. I was able to visit a few minutes before the ceremony. Which is good, because I do not remember much after the I do's.

So, it was time to walk down the isle. I remember walking up the steps and waiting to hear the music. My heart was POUNDING!!!! The doors open and all I saw was Chris!! AWWWWWW Chris!! My rock! My support! My partner! My understanding side!! My HUSBAND!!! He looked SO handsome!!! Once I made it to him it becomes a bit of a blur.
Don't lock your legs. Don't pass out! Focus! I kept telling myself. I cried. He cried. Pastor Rob cried. It was a very emotional and heartfelt ceremony. Beautiful!!! We had a very short reception. It was beautiful I know, but short. Then we took off in my 1986 ( think it was????) Chevy Caviler, with no air conditioning to Florida....Next Stop DISNEY!!!Yes, we honeymooned in Disney. We had a BLAST!!! It was so much fun!!! The start of 10 wonderful years!!

We have weathered many storms in 10 years plus. Both Chris' parents have suffered accidents including brain injuries and extensive hospital stays and rehab on TWO DIFFERENT occasions. We have had two children. One diagnosed with Angelman Syndrome. It was and is devastating and a long journey. We have endured the job market slide and unemployment. The death of two grandparents and an aunt. My sister in law having cancer twice. And last thus far, the surprise of adding to our family IDENTICAL TWIN GIRLS!! It has been a full ten years with many high s and lows. But what I can say is that Chris and I have ALWAYS been close and gone through each situation together. We are each others ROCK!!! We are stronger and more in love now than 10 years ago if that is possible. No matter what has been thrown our way, we endure it together!! He is my match literally made in heaven by GOD!!!!

Reasoning Like God

2010-04-16T14:59:00.003-04:00

So, I like to reason things out like I am God. Surely I KNOW what is best and what he'll do....because I am SO PERFECT!!! LOL!!!

So, I have been reasoning out if these twins should be boys or girls.

First I thought it was girls. One, because I am kinda girlie. Two, I missed out some on those typical toddler girl things...like mommy I want to wear a dress. Mommy I want my nails painted. Mommy I want a dolly. Mommy I want to pretend. Carmyn is precious, but incapable of these things. Three, if per chance a cure does not come for our precious Carmyn (which I do NOT voice EVER or speak over her!!!) then as the girls get older they would more likely to be the ones to help. Four, Colton is a very demanding ( I hate to say it that way) of one on one. He thrives there!! So being the only boy, he will be special and get those chances. The only son. The PRINCE!!!

Then I thought is was boys. One, boys are fun and entertaining. Two, both sides of our family are covered up with boys, odds just make sense. Three, Colton needs brothers to rough and tumble with. Brothers will protect Carmyn. Four, our precious daughter will be cured, so boys plus one princess sounds perfect. Five, (I know this sounds hypocritical), but we would worry less about the boys as they enter late teenage to young adulthood. Sending girls to college?!?! SCARY thought.

So, these all seem like perfect reasons. I went Thursday convinced they were boys. I just knew it. All the reasons and signs. Low heart rates.

So doctor says we are having........................................................................................

GIRLS

So, God has His own reasons. Maybe some of mine are on the list, maybe not. He has the whole picture where I do not. I am a little blinded in my own world. But we are thrilled. It will be great for Carmyn. She will have little sisters to show her so much. Colton will be the best protective BIG brother to his little sisters. Our family will be all the better for them!! I am sure glad I am not the one making the decisions. I would have messed up big time.

Now, if we could just decide on names.......

Peace

2010-04-06T17:54:00.005-04:00

Feeling peace is a wonderful feeling. As the weeks have gone on I am more and more excited about my family of 6. It is strange that we will be going from 4-6 so quickly, but it is WONDERFUL!!! I am trilled. Four children! Four to love, grow, teach, mold, enjoy and laugh with!! Blessed!! That is what I am.
Next week I am hoping to find out the sex of the babies. It may be a bit early at 16 weeks, but I am hopeful. The sonogram tech is doing the ultra sound since my doctor just had a baby (her third in 3 years mind you...WOW..and she is a doctor!!) So will there be more PINK or BLUE???? It won't matter....just healthy babies in Jesus Name is all I ask!!!

The new soccer star!!

2010-03-23T11:11:00.004-04:00

Colton has started soccer. This is his first formal team sport. My how cute he is. It is quite amusing to watch 4 years run up and down the field. He ask after each practice, "Did I win? Did I do a good job? Are you proud of me?" So precious!! And of course we are!!!

TWINS

2010-03-05T19:51:00.003-05:00

Twins! I am expecting twins!

This news has come with many emotions. To be honest, not great ones to start with. A lot of anger and fear. You see, I wasn't really sure I wanted anymore children at all. Chris and I thought we would make that decision this summer. I really leaned towards the DONE way. HA! Guess the Lord had different plans.

So, we found out I was pregnant and started get use to the idea. Okay, we can do this. Just one more. Then I went to the OB. I kiddingly said as I laid on the table, "Please just tell me there is one." She said, "Well.....I think I see two." What happened next was sort of a blur. I know I panicked. I started hyperventilating. I was in shock. NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! Is all I could think. How did this happen???? We do not have twins in the family or Chris' far back as we know. I don't remember any of the information she gave me other than I am now high risk. I was in complete shock. A lot voices, nurses excited and wanting to see the picture and I am just crying. I was unable to give blood. I was a nervous wreck and no blood was coming out. So I left.

I walked to the car scared and dreading to tell Chris. His reaction was what I thought it would be, not happy. Wonder why we could not be happy? The obvious, fiances. We all worry about giving our children the best. But I think the most was our situation. We have a 2 1/2 year old disabled daughter that requires a lot of attention. Carmyn receives 4 therapies a week. We are about to add horse riding in just a few short weeks. Thankfully I am able to manage my son and her fairly well. Fair enough anyway. But TWO BABIES AT ONCE....ON TOP OF OUR SCHEDULE!! HOW??????? HOW??????? She isn't even able to walk, talk, feed herself, how...how is this going to work? How am I going to manage taking her to therapies, which are extremely important, take care of two new babies and all the while still make sure Colton feels special. Then...then....then...what if these babies have problems? Twins are born early. Could be too early. The pain of twins in NICU. How do I spend time with the new babies and my children at home?? And more therapies.....do you see the pain? Help? Will we have any help? To even ask for help makes me feel guilty. I can't do that....but I may need to.... Do you see the fear?

These are the questions that Chris and I had to think about and maul over. We did for about two weeks. A lot of tears, worries, fears and really no joy. Knowing there was no joy was also breaking my heart. I KNOW in my heart of hearts that these babies are a gift from God. That these babies are precious. That these babies from anyone else would be welcomed with full blown joy. It made me sad and and feel guilty.

But then I guess the light came on. What are all these worries and fears?? What ifs? Unknowns? I am making a situation horrible before I am really even in it. All these worries really mean nothing in the end. God created these miracles. God has never forgotten or forsaken us, why would He now. He won't. He has not. He is here. Listening to our fears saying it will be okay. I got it. I know. I am here. Over the course of two weeks our fear turned to joy. Joy into excitement. This will be good. This will be great for all of us. Hard??? Yes. Tiring? Yes. Will I feel batty and out of control? YES!! But good. Good for Colton to have another TWO playmates, voices and best friends. Good for Carmyn to have TWO playmates, voices and encouragers and siblings to have her back. For us, Chris and I, to have have two more precious children to love, raise, teach, guide, laugh at, listen to and find complete joy in. Yes, this will be good. Just today, I watched a friend Jennifer's blog video of her youngest dancing in the living room. I just got overwhelmed with emotions because God has blessed me with that. Not once, but TWICE!! I get giggles, voices, growth....I am blessed and thankful that MY GOD knows best for me and my family!!!

Too Much

2010-02-17T17:03:00.001-05:00

Think God gives us too much? Think seasons last forever??? I am thinking YES at this moment!!!!

trust

2010-02-02T18:25:00.003-05:00

Why is the fear of the unknown so incredibly scary? Why is change so hard? Why is 100% trust in God so difficult? I like to try to bargain with God. We talk...no I talk. I kinda tell him....
This is how I think it should be.
If you need to change things, could you please tell me so I can prepare?
Oh, I am sure Your way is good, but I am SURE my way is better. Let me tell you why.

WOW!!! What boldness I have.

Really??? Seriously Paula? I am assuming He is saying. Probably coupled with a chuckle and a shake of the head.

Why is complete trust so hard? Sure, the road may be bumpy, but what road is smooth for long?

I am struggling with trust at the moment. Just that everything is going to be alright. Am I truly capable of doing what God is asking of me. I will share this is awhile, but not yet. I need to hear it all clearly and find the boldness I am lacking. For me, when you say it, or this case write it, then it is a sealed deal. I know not really, but you know......I am a little strange.

So, again...why is trust hard? I think because we are very controlling people. We control just about everything to what we wear, buy, eat, our children to a degree, & the list goes on. So when things happen out of our control or so out of our realm of comfort, that brings a whole new set of feelings and trust issues.

Sometimes there is nothing we can do but sit and wait. During that time it is a choice of are we going to worry our selves sick or pray for God's guidance and that His answers are the best. For God's peace that surpasses all understanding. So, I sit here and TRY not to worry and trust God!!!

Helpless

2010-01-22T12:11:00.002-05:00

What would be the hardest part of parenting for you? Maybe no breaks? Maybe the fights among siblings? Maybe the same battles day in day out? Mine???? Feeling helpless. What an awful feeling!! A situation where you can do your best, but you still have to trust and wait. Shew...that is hard.
Colton woke up vomiting and then it turned into diarrhea. He is crying and pitiful. I kiss him, hold him, love him and tell him it is all going to be alright. But I just have to wait. Fast forward four days, Carmyn wakes up with a spiked fever of 103.9 and having small tremor seizures. UGH!!! Again, I love her,kiss her and tell her it is going to be alright. But I have to wait.
During that wait I pray and trust that God will heal their little bodies and make them feel well quickly. I pray I have the wisdom to give them exactly what they need and I don't overlook a step. Helpless is a horrible feeling. Yet, somehow I feel peace. I know that can only come from the Father!! This growth has only come this past year. I finally realized I need to trust Him 100%.
I would never wish for one to have a child with special needs. Nor do I wish that Carmyn had AS. If it could be different, I would LOVE to have a toddler running around, screaming, talking, begging, being silly and a brother and sister hand n hand playing. But, BUT would I be the same person??? Would I have grown in my relationship with God? Maybe? Maybe not? That I will never know. So I embrace today. And I am so thankful for the love and peace I have today.

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you.

A BIG Thank you to Jenn

2010-01-21T11:11:00.005-05:00

Here is my new look thanks to Jenn at Knee-Deep In Munchkin Land. She did a WONDERFUL job. Jen was patient and helped me when I was very indecisive!!! She does great work. Please go to her blog and just read about her and her charming family. You will love them. Then look at her beautiful work she has been doing.

Thank you Jenn!!!!!

January

2010-01-18T15:54:00.004-05:00

Okay, not the best pic, but I took it my self!! LOL

HaPpY BiRtHdAy to ME!!! 33

Beautiful Doll Baby!

Lovin my favorite boy!!

Two of the three LOVES of my life!!

I am full of love and joy! ! A peaceful season at this time!!

ONE YEAR

2010-01-09T07:54:00.004-05:00

Today would be the one year anniversary of Carmyn's diagnosis. I spent the morning at an indoor playhouse with the kids. Was I worried?? NOT A BIT!!!! I was having a blast. It turned lunch time, so I ran over with a friend to get some pizza. We are all eating and Carmyn had a terrible poop, so I taker her out to the car to change. THE PHONE RANG. I saw the number and debated on answering. But I did.
"Mrs Hawthorne this is Mr. _______. Are you sitting down?"
Oh shit, were my thoughts.
"No, I am outside changing a diaper." I told him.
"Mrs. Hawthorne, can you sit down?" he asked.
"NO!!! WHAT IS IT????" I yell. I knew. I knew. I knew,
"Carmyn has Angelman Syndrome. Dr. _________ was right, Carmyn has Angelman Syndrome." he said.
I start melting, my head is spinning, Carmyn is crying because she is half falling out of my hands. He starts to sound like the teacher from Charlie Brown. I remember Banging on the window as hard as I could for my friend. She came out and grabbed Carmyn and the phone. I don't know what happened next. The next few days are dark and black. I lost those days because I have no memory.
Today, a year later, we are surviving. Carmyn has changed SO much. She has worked SO hard and made such great progress. Therapies have just become apart our life. I still struggle with this because it was NOT apart of the plan!!! I have changed. My faith has gown leaps and bounds. I feel like I have no other place but to look up!!!! I NEED my Lords help. I NEED His word, His comfort, His peace, His love...I just NEED HIM daily. So I won't go or stay in that dark place. Because in that place, all hope and joy is lost. I have grown as a mommy, wife, friend and just a person. I don't sweat the small stuff. One, it could be worse. Two, it most likely doesn't truly matter.
I love my family and I love my life. Do I wish she were typical and we were doing all the "normal" things I had envisioned? Sure...100%. But she is not and we were have a little hitch in the plan, but I push through and make my life as normal as possible. I do as much as I can, when I can. I try to enjoy, learn and grow today because tomorrow just may not be here!!!

Over view of 2009...happily to move into 2010

2010-01-01T17:31:00.008-05:00

Dear 2009,
I have to say the year with started very rough. I didn't expect to have my world flipped upside down. Oh but it did. Our sweet baby girl was diagnosed with Angelman Syndrome. I don't think anyone could ever be prepared for the words I heard in that geneticist office. Such a surreal moment. You hear talking, the room is spinning, you see your precious child smiling and really all you want to do is pack her up run. Run as fast as you can and reverse time to that morning. Because that morning she was fine. She was typical. She was going to be a singer, dancer, love American Girl, love tea parties, love slumber parties, be smart, funny, and successful. If you go back, you don't know anything different. I was completely devastated. Then I prayed and prayed and prayed. I read God's word, read HIS PROMISES and my heart began to change. Carmyn can be a miracle. She can!! Will she??? That remains unknown at the moment...but YES!! I believe she will be. I decided that she will be better than any doctor or statistic could predict. I became bold in my faith. Then I met a wonderful friend who involved in FAST. I felt like it was a confirmation to what I have been believing. Carmyn will be cured!! Science is getting closer and closer. It is truly amazing that it is even a possibility!! The trick is to find joy in the today with Angelman. I was reminded of this recently. Can I do this? I think I can, but I am not there yet 100%. Today, it is joy in the hope and possibilities.
So I start 2010 with new hope and new prayers. I continue to pray for research and the advancements made. I pray for funding (seems impossible when no body has heard of Angelman). I pray for Carmyn and her strength. That she excels in ABA therapy. That she begins to walk. That she learns how to drink out of a cup and begins to feed herself. That she gains strength in her fine motor skills. That she is able to understand and use her new communicator!! (MORE later on that....she got the Cadillac of all communicators!! :) I pray she and Colton form a closer relationship.

Speaking of Colton...let me not over shadow him. What a little man he is?!?! Amazing!! He has been one key component to pulling me through this year. He needed his momma. He didn't know I was so depressed and upset. All he knew was he had basic needs to be met. He wanted to have fun. Play games. Go to the park. Ride his bike. Laugh and giggle. He forced his momma to pull through quickly and have a little fun. And you know what?? It was one of the best summers I have ever had. We had so much fun together and with friends!! Colton is so bright. I pray I am able to nurture his little spirit. Teach him the love and compassion of Jesus.

So for 2010....I resolute to push myself and to push my kids to excel. Excel in love, joy, kindness, compassion, and forgiveness.

Christmas

2009-12-29T15:29:00.005-05:00

SANTA CAME!!!

HE CAME FOR CARMYN!

HE CAME FOR COLTON!!!

The new bed tent. Aren't they cute???

Christmas was nice this year. It was quiet and peaceful. We all enjoyed the holiday minus a few weeks of sickness. This was an amazing year for Colton. The magic of Christmas and believing in Santa was so much fun. He really anticapted the visit and even lost several hours of sleep wanting to catch Santa. Super cute. We did a chocolate advent calendar. Oh did he take that to heart. We counted the days and he really grew more and more anxious as the days passed. I found a lot of joy living through his experience. The innocence is gone so quickly now adays, that I hang on to what I can.

With all this joy, I can't but help to wonder what Christmas will be like for Carmyn as she gets older. My hope and prayer is for her to have the same excitement and joy as her brother. Same anticapation for the Santa to drop off that "special" gift. Only time will tell, but God performs miracles ALL the time, so I continue to pray!!! I pray for a total healing washed over her. I know science is making GREAT srtides and it will happen when it is suppose to.

Well, 2010 will be here sortly. With that I hope to jouranl more of this journey of life of ours.

2009-12-14T21:38:00.003-05:00

I have had a difficult and joyful year all in one. I have not posted much at all because of therapies, doctors, depression, exhaustion, and my new love of Face Book. I do hope at the first of the year to journal more about our journey and the path God takes us on, growth and pain. Pretty much the good, the bad, the ugly!! Until then, here is my Christmas letter. Just a tidbit of my heart.

Merry Christmas family and friends. This would be my first time sending a letter, but considering the year we have had, I thought it might be good.

Our family started the year off with some devastating news. January 9^th, Carmyn was diagnosed with a rare disorder called Angelman Syndrome. It was one of those moments you know you will never forget. My world crashed. I can remember looking around and life was continuing and I was just melting. Slow motion if you will. We were completely crushed. I got through the weekend and then decided I am not going to settle for this. I made some wonderful connections and now have life long friends. We met Melissa, who has the most beautiful Angel Peyton. She is encouraging and gives us hope daily. We met Terry Jo, who has a handsome and very smart Angel named Louie. She is wise and is a wealth of information. I have become a supporter of FAST, Foundation for Angelman Syndrome Therapeutics. FAST is foundation that is 100% fighting and researching for a cure. Which by the way, is in our grasp!!!! I also would like to say that our pediatrician, Dr. Blackmon, was extremely pro-active and helped us find Carmyn’s diagnosis. We are thankful for his efforts!! As well we are blessed with an incredible family. A family that carried us when we felt like we could not walk. Family that gave words of encouragement, scripture, prayers, silence, laughs and tears. Thank you and we love you more than you’ll ever know!!

I also have the BEST group of therapist a mom could ask for. Carmyn takes PT, OT, Speech, ABA, & Horse Riding. She is a busy girl, but is a trooper and does exceptionally well. Carmyn started the year by only being able to sit when we put her into that position to now she scoots everywhere and is pulling up on any and everything. She started the year only nursing, NOT because I wanted to, but because the lack of motor control, to now drinking and eating any and everything. We are all proud of accomplishments and admire her hard work. She fights hard for everything does.

Colton has had a wonderful year as well. He has bloomed so much. He has a wonderful sense of humor and keeps us laughing. He is extremely smart and desires all the knowledge he can take in. He has made some wonderful friends that he talks about often. Colton is caring and compassionate. He will often talk to me about people if we mention a sickness wanting to pray for them and make sure they are going to be fine. He has already developed a love for special needs children. He is very gentle and sweet with children when we are at therapy. His number one love is Peyton. He would love to trade his sister for her. LOL! We enjoy many hours of board games, which he relishes in beating us when he does. He loves is family more than everything. He is truly an awesome boy and I look forward to seeing the man God is grooming him to be.

Our family has also been affected with the economic fall. Chris was out of work for several months. But we are proud to say he is now working and has a wonderful job that he loves and he is able to use all of his God given talents.

After such a year, I can truly say we are blessed beyond measure!! God has pulled us through some really tough moments, but with His help and Grace, we have survived. I am thankful and would not change a thing. I have had the privileged to witness and be a part of many miracles. We are who we are today because of the struggles we have endured. I have a new love and relationship for God I would might not have other wise.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and New Year. I pray that 2010 will bring many blessings. I pray regardless of what is thrown your way, that in the end you can smile and see the blessings.

All of our love~

Little Time To Brag

2009-08-22T15:42:00.004-04:00

Well, we are entering fall. With fall comes a little organization and motivation. So I would like to take a moment and brag on my favorite boy. I have started a little preschool with my son. I have a hour or more each day while Carmyn is in therapy. So I decided to use my time to teach Colton. He LOVES "school" and ask to do some everyday. He is doing a GREAT job.
He has also started swim lessons. Or as he calls it swim therapy like his sister takes. He is so brave and is doing a great job. It is nice for him to have a little something for just him.
I am hoping I take a little more time, refocus and post more often. Until then...happy fall....I know it's a little early.

Summer

2009-07-14T10:20:00.006-04:00

Our summer has been so nice. I have been able to do some extra fun things out of the norm....and we have enjoyed ourselves. I don't have pictures of them all...but here are a few...okay....a lot!!!hahaha

Us...couldn't do it without this man!!!!!

Festival fun

Slash pad

Park

First movie...watched Ice Age 3D...impressed myself...first 3D for me too

Cutie having outdoor fun

Fireworks

Riding in the new truck

Fixing the new Birthday truck with daddy

ohhhh..more birthday cars

Happy 4th Birthday

Riding Monster Truck Wildcat

After the ride and new trucks

Building a Bird House

Reading Program....meeting Smokey Baseball Mascots

Riding Therapy

Swinging fun

Llama, Llama Red Pajamas

Pony Ride

At the Zoo Kids Cove

Hippo Therapy

2009-06-19T08:56:00.004-04:00

My little Angel has started Hippo Therapy a.k.a. horse back riding. This kind of therapy is suppose to do wonders for balance and stability. I hope through this she will gain the strength she needs to stand and then walk. She works so hard during her lessons. They make the horse stop go and stop go and move in circles. This makes her shift her weight constantly. Just sitting up while the horse is walking is a challenge. I love watching her ride. She looks like such a big girl. For a moment, she is just like every other child out there, loving to ride!!

Mayfield Dairy and Sweetwater Cheese Farm

2009-06-06T17:14:00.005-04:00

Some times I really feel terrible that I don't do enough "FUN" stuff for Colton. So this past Friday we ventured off to Mayfield Dairy Farm, which provides milk and ice cream to all of TN and a cheese farm. We had a lot of fun.

Here are the "teenagers".

Here is the milking parlor. They milk over 2000 cows 3 times a day around the clock.
Each cows gives 8-10 gallons of milk each time....WOW!!

See what Colton thought of the smell. HAHA!

Here Colton and friends are ready for the tour. Notice the blue booties?
That is to keep cow poo off of the shoes. He stepped in EVERY pile he could find.

Ready?

Sally and Red the tour guide dog.

Mayfield Dairy Cow

Children on a cow after the Milk tour.

In another world.

HA!! Cheese!!

Isn't that funny? We had to wear them inside the milk plant.

VERY tired after a BIG day!!

Angelman Walk-a-thon

2009-06-02T22:28:00.004-04:00

a

We walked in our first Angelman Walk-a-thon. It was a wonderful experience. Very humbling. Somehow this made it more real. I still fight with "normal". Some days I feel like nothing is wrong. That therapy on a daily basis is just life and then I see a typical child Carmyn's age. Here, everyone was in the same boat. All fighting for the same thing. Their child. One day I hope we all can join together and praise God for a cure. Science is getting closer and the possibility is within our reach. One day our children can.......my imagination is overwhelmed with the dreams. I continue to pray for what man says is impossible....My God tells me NOTHING is too hard for Him. A cure is coming................

Walk-A-Thon

2009-05-22T09:45:00.002-04:00

I really don't have too much time at this moment to post. I have a house to clean, children to feed, a Wal-Mart stop, birthday parties to go to and a weekend to enjoy. But I will post picture and my experience from the walk-a-thon soon. It was wonderful, humbling, & hard all at the same time. THANK YOU!!! Thank you for your prayers and support!!

Walk-a-thon in Nashville Tennessee for Angelam Syndrome

2009-04-29T09:13:00.006-04:00

May 16 our family is participating in our first walk-a-thon for Angelman. As a family we are excited to bring awareness, fight for better quality life and find a cure. Please go to Carmyn's fundraising page. I KNOW times are hard. If you could help even just $5.00 it will all add up in the end. Most of all we just appreciate your prayers~ Thank you!!

Carmyn's Page

Happy Easter From Us To You

2009-04-11T20:02:00.003-04:00

I may not understand the day to day, but I understand the
Father sent His Son the live, walk and die for me.
He has risen so that I, we may live with Him!!

Colton after doing our Resurrection Eggs
(HE IS SOOOO ADORABLE HUH???)

Little Miss Princess
(Please excuse my ugly legs)

Mr Handsome displaying the colored eggs he did.

AAAAUUUUGGGHHHH

2009-04-06T20:57:00.002-04:00

Damn! Sorry for that...but the seizures have started. I watched Carmyn fall and hit her face today. That is hard to do when you scoot and your feet are in front of you. She has had others too. But this was very obvious. This breaks my heart. They are scaring her and she cries. I can see the fear on her face. I feel completely and totally helpless.

Dear Lord,
I need you!! PLEASE help. Comfort Carmyn! Comfort me. Just help. I am at a loss of words. You know my heart. I will still praise you Lord, even though I DO NOT understand!!!

Love, Me

Good Bad Good Bad

2009-03-31T22:10:00.002-04:00

Good Days...Bad Days..Good Days...Bad Days

HUH!!??!! I really hate emotional ride I am on some days.

Let's start with Vanderbilt visit. That was great. we heard very encouraging words. Carmyn looked really good to the doctors. One said she passed the "mall" test. Not an official, but meaning he would not give us his business card. I will take that. Carmyn does look great. It is not very obvious she is disabled. As she gets older it will become more apparent just because of her lack of skills and no talking. I think everyone was as well impressed with her eye contact. It really is good. She can focus for 30 seconds or so at a time. She gets around and is very curious. we also met a wonderful neurologist that I think is going to work very well for our family. We will meet with her again in April to get the results of Carmyn's EEG. I think the science is moving forward and I am very excited about the future for Carmyn. She was born as such as a time as this. With hope and a future. I often pray for "health & healing and life abundantly."
Over all it was a great visit. I think we make some great contacts. It is nice to have these people in our corner. I am thankful because Carmyn definitely received favor. Everyone was more than wonderful and complimented on how beautiful and sweet she is. That she is!!

So why would I be down. Well part of being down comes with guilt. I have to say, I am MOST grateful that apart of my daughters diagnosis is that there are no health problems MINUS seizures. (which completely overwhelm me with worry!!!!!!) So I hear of other children in worse health than Carmyn and I am thankful I don't have to deal with that. Currently I am following My charming Kids. Her little boy is very sick and my heart just aches and aches and aches for her. You can find all kinds of blogs about sick babies. I think, well at least Carmyn is healthy(minus the seizures).
But you know what, I am her mom and it doesn't take the pain away. Tonight we were with extended family. There was a 9 month old there. Oh my...my heart is just in pieces tonight. He is crawling, pulling up, interactive, & babbling. He is a year younger than Carmyn. It was very obvious he was just more.......with it. It is hard. I have to be honest. Colton was so sweet the was he talked to him and played with him. That was suppose to be my kids. WHY??????? Oh God why??? Please teach me???? Because tonight...I don't understand. I just want my baby to be okay! I really don't have much more to say. I just need to spill my guts and say..No, I am not okay. At least tonight I am not. So I pray for my Father's arms to hold me and whisper to me that He is in this with me.

Prayer

2009-03-23T20:50:00.003-04:00

Please pray for our family and little angel Carmyn. We are headed for Vanderbilt for an Angelman Syndrome study. I am very excited about this. I am praying we receive a lot of good information. I pray that Carmyn receives God's favor. That the people she comes in contact with fall in love with her and cannot help but want to help her to the best of their ability. And if they are not able to, they will direct us in the right path.
I also pray the God just radiates from us. I pray you can feel God's energy just pouring out.

Thank you~

2009-03-10T13:34:00.002-04:00

Carmyn was fitted for her braces this past week. She will be styling in her pinks soon. This should help with bearing weight on her feet. Hopefully she will be able to stand up holding on shortly after.

Stronger & Praising

2009-02-23T17:00:00.002-05:00

Praises to GOD!!

As of today Carmyn...can sit up from a laying position WITHOUT any help!!

Yea for you "Little Goo"!!!

She can can of this past week scoot to get where she wants to go.
She is getting faster by the day. So the child proofing begins. PRAISE GOD!!

Now, we pray for strong arms and legs so Carmyn will crawl.
Please join me to pray Hebrews 12:12-13 over her.

The looks

2009-02-17T16:56:00.005-05:00

Isn't she beautiful!!!

You know, it is funny. I feel very bold in my faith lately. I have really tried to search and soak up God's promises. The miracles He has performed and I am in full belief of what the scriptures tell us.

So I get the look. It is a look of pity of sorts. Like poor girl, she is unrealistic, this is still all to new and painful, reality hasn't set in, she will be disappointed. I have had people say to me, well, you are dealing with this the best way you can. That is okay. You know, I would maybe think the same if the tables had not been turned. But I can tell you with ONLY the confidence that GOD Himself can give...Carmyn WILL be healed. I would LOVE for the world to experience God's miracle. I fully believe that this will come from God's hand Himself or through God's knowledge of a cure....but it WILL come. Yes, that is bold, I now. I wish I could explain myself. I try and I can't. I just know.

Which of God's words has me excited? WOW! A lot.
Here are a few...
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans for good and not even, plans to give you a FUTURE and HOPE."

Isaiah 43:18
"Forget about what's happened, don't keep going over old things. Be alert, Be present. I am about to do something "brand new." It is bursting out! Don't you see it? There it is, I am making a road through the desert, rivers through the badlands."

1 John5:14-15
"And how BOLD and FREE then we become in HIS presence, freely asking according to His will, sure that is LISTENING."

Jeremiah 33:6
"Nevertheless I will bring health and healing. I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security."

Genesis 18:14
"Is anything too hard for the LORD ?"

And the list goes on. Now , I am not sitting here doing nothing. No, we are working hard. I go to therapy two days a week. Once a week here and we are getting ready to add a day of aquatic therapy. I am researching and doing my very best to push Carmyn and make her the best Carmyn I can, then I will let God do ALL THE REST!! Which is 90%.

I already feel the blessings of God. I have met a wonderful friend that has a daughter with Angelman here in Knoxville. She is positive and just what our family needs. She is on the board of FAST. I met other mommies with children with Angelman and it is great to have the support. I have wonderful doctors, great TEIS workers and therapist. I have discovered a wonderful program called Alphabet Therapy. I feel so much hope. I have found children with Angelman on youtube doing WONDERFUL things. Far more that any doctor probably has expected. But you know what..my God says "ALL things are possible with HIM". So the skies the limit for my little Carmyn!!

So thank you for your prayers. God is ready to move that mountain!!!

Snow Days

2009-02-06T08:43:00.003-05:00

We have enjoyed our snow days VERY much around here.
It is a rarity, so even if it is a dusting, we are outside to play.
Colton has had a blast playing in the snow.

8 Things about me

2009-01-27T15:26:00.003-05:00

8 Thing about me. something fun and light hearted

8 TV Shows I Watch:
1) The Bachelor
2) The Biggest Loser
3) American Idol
4) The Duggers
5) Jon & Kate Plus Eight
6) Little People Big World
7) Franklin (with Colton)
8) Kipper (with Colton

8 Favorite Restaurants:
1) Mello Mushroom
2) Sushi anywhere
3) Buddy's BBQ
4) Panera
5) McAllisters
6) Bravo's
7) Zackby's
8) Ruth Chris Steak House!!!!!!!!

8 Things that Happened to Me Today:
1) Prayed and Praised God for my family, Carmyn & Healing
2) Talk to SSI for an hour
3) Mom came over to entertain Colton while I was on the phone
4) Struggled to get Carmyn's hair, but I won!! into two ponytails. MY FAVORITE LOOK!! ADORABLE!!
5) texted Chris
6) Played with Colton
7) Played with Carmyn
8) Stayed home which is a rarity anymore!!

8 Things I Look Forward To:
1) Watching Biggest Loser
2) Watching American Idol
3) Chris coming home from work
4) Chris having four days off, YIPPY!!
5) Spring
6) Warm weather and playing outside
7) Putting the kids to bed
8) Glass of wine

8 Things I Wish For:
1) God to heal Carmyn
2) Cure for Angelman Syndrome
3) Colton & Carmyn to know and love Jesus more than life itself
4) To be a tool for God
5) To be a Godly example to my husband
6) To be a Godly example to my family immediate and extended
7) Organized
8) Peace with in

8 People I Tag:
1) Any that want to play
2)
3)
4)
5)
6)
7)
8)

Carmyn, Faith & Moving Mountains

2009-01-15T11:23:00.002-05:00

Confirmed but NOT counted out!! The genetic test has confirmed Carmyn does have Angelman Syndrome. I think Chris and I are still grieving, but we can't stay here long. God is BIG. He is MIGHTY! His is a God of Miracles. Is that what we teach our children? Is that what He wants us to believe? Well, I believe. My motto is that Carmyn WILL be a new page in the text books. Doctors, therapist and people WILL witness miracle after miracle. We will have no explanation except for to PRAISE HIS NAME! I have found some VERY discouraging things and some encouraging things. I cleave to the encouraging and know my God is mighty.

I just read this morning out of Matthew 17:14-21

14When they came to the crowd, a man approached Jesus and knelt before him. 15"Lord, have mercy on my son," he said. "He has seizures and is suffering greatly. He often falls into the fire or into the water. 16I brought him to your disciples, but they could not heal him."

17"O unbelieving and perverse generation," Jesus replied, "how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy here to me." 18Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of the boy, and he was healed from that moment.

19Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, "Why couldn't we drive it out?"

20He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

He can and will. My faith is there. I WILL see miracles.

I want to say on behalf of my family, thank you for the prayers. Please continue to pray for us. I know there will still be days and moments. Pray for strength on days I can't muster to find it, pray for guidance, endurance, good doctors, therapist and the team working with Carmyn and us. Most immediately, pray against seizures and pray for good sleep. Thank you pray warriors. I hope we can stay in touch and you are able to witness the miracles that are about to happen!!!

VS.20 I tell you the truth, if your faith is as big as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. ALL things will be possible for you.

So please continue to pray for Carmyn. And us as well. Colton too. This will a journey for him as well. I really don't understand. But this is where we are at. This is what I have to do now.

Prayer

2009-01-07T14:39:00.004-05:00

Okay this is raw and really unprocessed. I am writing this because I figure just one more prayer is....well just better. I know I really don't have a "blog" following and that is fine, maybe the few of you that read would just take a minute and pray for our Carmyn and family.
Tuesday I went to a Geneticist. We are still trying to diagnose Carmyn and explain her delays. The doctor is testing Carmyn for Angelman Syndrome. The reason would be some of Carmyn's characteristics. ALWAYS happy and laughing, global delays, flat head in back, non verbal, small, eating troubles and constant moving/shaking/unstable. I didn't know what Angelman was so like most mothers probably would do, I did my research. This is NOT a good prognoses. Unlike some syndromes you have varies degrees of functioning, IQ, cognitive, speech, social interaction etc.. this does not.

Across the board this is a syndrome where the children are mutes, communication is minimal with sign or devices, Mentally Retarded, have seizers and will need life long help.

This is sooooooo heart breaking. As parents we have dreams and expectations for our children. What we will do with them growing up and what they will become. I heard this news all those were crushed. Will she be excited for Santa and understand Christmas, go and enjoy the American Girl Restaurant, go to plays and ballets, dance, sing, be silly, date, ask advice, carry on family conversations, play family board game night, grasp the joy of serving God. I just can't accept this. Call me selfish, but not this. You know I can deal with the not speaking, we can sign, but MR. Oh please no. I want her to be bright ( not a rocket scientist) but capable of thinking, reasoning, taking care of her self, normal? I am really talking raw and random thoughts here. I know this sounds all over the place but I just found this out 24 hours ago.

I know God did not cause any of these things. But God is also a God of miracles and healing. I need that right now. That is what I am praying. I am not receiving this or anything else until I have to. So I just ask for a miracle. I don't want to ask for acceptance, because I don't need yet. I do not KNOW a diagnoses yet. I jut want God's hand and a miracle.

So there. Please just pray. Even if it is only one person. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for your intercession of Carmyn's behalf. What ever happens...I do know HE STILL REIGNS!!!!

My Best Bud Bud

2008-12-11T07:51:00.002-05:00

This is sweet little Colton. A.K.A. Bud-Bud.
He is so precious, SMART, loving, energetic, fun-loving, SMART,
funny, silly, persistent, SMART, concerned, curious, mischievous, and SMART!

This little guy says some of the funniest things. Let me share.
Yesterday Colton was sent to his room for disobeying. He is crying his dramatic cry that he does. After awhile he comes into Carmyn's room where I am dressing her. He gives me this grin. You know that cute, you can't resist, and I am up to something grin. He starts patting my back and singing..."God is love. Praise Him, Praise Him, All You Little Children, God is Love."

Very sweet and cute YES!! But he knew and I knew what he was doing.
A little charm and he was off the hook. I couldn't help but laugh at him.

This little guy sometimes out of the blue will say "Momma I love you. Momma I like you."

This little guy will tell daddy "Bye, have a great day. Be careful. Do you have your cell phone with you?"

This little guy will say, " Carmyn is going to therapy because we want her to walk, run and play with me."

Colton is a great boy. God has big plans for him.

Lord, Thank you for picking me to be this little guys Momma. I am privileged. He is so special to us. He definitely adds to our lives daily. I pray that Colton will come to know you at an early age. I pray Colton will have a personal relationship with you.
Lord, I pray he will rise up to be called a man after Your own heart.
Lord, I pray that Carmyn and Colton have a very special relationship.
Bless them and their time together always. I pray Colton and Carmyn do get to walk, run and play together. I pray they get to laugh, plot and sceme together like little brother and sister's do. Lord, I pray what ever Colton is to learn in this situation with Carmyn that this will grow him into a better man.
Lord, help me to be the Momma you have called me to be. Help me to relax more where needed and more firm where needed. Please God help me to show Colton Your love, grace, and forgiveness through my actions. May he be able to see You through me. I can't do this on my own. Help me to parent my kids more like You Lord.
In Jesus Most Precious Name~Amen

Merry Christmas

2008-12-06T09:10:00.005-05:00

Is it real???

YES! I think he is!

For our Christmas cards

I love Christmas jammies. I stood in line at midnight Thanksgiving night for these.
Yes, I am one of those crazy moms who shopped all night and morning.

BLESSED

2008-11-12T08:55:00.002-05:00

The Lord is so wonderful. He has blessed me in so many ways I just had to tell how BIG my God is first.

First, let's start with Carmyn. The neurologist ordered for Carmyn to have genetic testing to maybe find more answers . Well, after a few weeks the nurse at the neurologist office calls to tell me the insurance will not pay for the test. The test is a $2500 and we CAN NO WAY pay for that. So I told the nurse I would like to appeal. She told me, "It doesn't matter. There is no way they will pay for the test. They see no use in it. I have worked here a long time and they never have. You can appeal, but you are wasting you time." I talked to my pediatrician and we both sent letters of appeal. I will have you know that Carmyn's test has been approved and her genetic test is January 6, 2009. So just how BIG is your God!!! He is bigger than any insurance company I know!!!!

Second, one of Carmyn's therapist gave my name to have a spa day. A local salon shut down Saturday to have a "spa" for eight ladies with children with special needs that don't get a break. Now, I never really didn't consider myself one of those ladies. I know things are difficult, tight finacially, busy etc.. But isn't that what you just do as a mom? Pull up the bootstraps and deal. What option do I have? The alternative doesn't look pretty. But I guess three days a week at therapy, doctors appointments, and husband out of town Monday-Friday would qualify as no break. So, I was serve a beautiful lunch, had a hair cut and style, pedicure, manicure and light massage all in the name of love. Casie, the salon owner, said she and he family are so blessed that she wanted to give back. It was wonderful and I am so grateful.

Third, we get a call from a family member who is getting a new couch and would we like there old one. YES!! YES!! YES!! Ours was torn apart being covered by a blanket and theirs is in perfect condition.

So all of these blessings have come my way and I don't even know why. I am not deserving for sure, but so blessed and thankful.

"I will make them and the places all around My hill a blessing;
and I will cause showers to come down in their season;
there shall be showers of blessings."
Ezekiel 34:26

New Pictures/Heading

2008-10-22T23:16:00.012-04:00

My very dear friend, Leslie took pictures of our family. Didn't she do a great job?!!??!!! I am so pleased. I do have to say, I think my little crew is BEAUTIFUL!

My Family

2008-09-26T13:31:00.003-04:00

My LOVES MY LIFE

My JOY My Two BABIES

My Prince My Little MAN

My Princess My Little GIRL

Baby Girl

2008-09-18T19:59:00.004-04:00

CARMYN IS ONE!!

Beautiful girl!

UPDATE

Well, little Carmyn has what is called Delayed Myelination. What is that? Myelin transports the information quickly in your brain. That is why you can do task like walking, picking a piece of paper or talking without having to think about it. Carmyn has trouble processing what to do. Her brain looks like a 6 month old right now. So she is doing what 6 month old children do. She just learned, as of September 1st, how to sit independently. Everyday she can sit longer and is really working on getting up without help. Will it get better? Well only time will tell. This part does continue to develop and grow. That is the good news. Unfortunately there is no way of knowing if she will catch up in all areas. (Physically, speech, and cognitively)

So we will continue with therapy three days a week and stay on my knees. I just pray and pray!

My current prayer request would be that Carmyn will learn and grasp how to drink from a cup/bottle. I strictly nurse as of now because she has never been able to drink from a cup/bottle. She is having trouble gaining weight. At her year appointment, Carmyn weighed 17# even. That is small for a one year old. She is <3% align="left">

So this is where our family is at. Lots of prayer, faith and hope. For my little man Colton, I know this a growth period for him. Painfully at times. This is hard for him. We are always on the road to doctors and people, including me, pay a lot attention to Carmyn because she needs help. So he is struggling. I pray and know the compassion and patience God is growing in him will only make him a better man.

2008-09-02T08:47:00.001-04:00

Please pray for our family. Carmyn will having an MRI on her brain Wednesday. The doctor is looking for CP or anything that may be causing these delays.

What would your card board say?

2008-07-24T11:14:00.001-04:00

I really don't know how to get the actually U Tube on here. But PLEASE take the time to watch this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvDDc5RB6FQ

Good News, Progress & Updates

2008-07-10T11:38:00.010-04:00

Watching Fire Works

Loving Fire Works

CUTIE PIE

Let's see.... An update on little girl. Carmyn is behind on her milestones quite a bit. So we have three therapy two days a week. Two hours on Tuesday and one hour one Wednesday. I took her yesterday for blood work to rule out any chromosome defect, which we feel very confident there are none. Really the pediatrician just believes she is delayed and will be fine. That in two years we won't know a difference.

So what are we doing in therapy? Roll over completely both ways, push up and hold self by supporting on elbows, sitting, eat baby food and take a bottle and/or cup, and start to babble. WOW! Sounds like a lot huh? Well, this is a process and I guess that is why we are signed up for six months of therapy. I also know I have to claim God's promise. He says in his word

Hebrews 12:12-13

12 Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down,

and the feeble knees,

13 and make straight paths for your feet,

so that what is lame may not be dislocated,

but rather be healed.

This is the scripture I pray over Carmyn's little body. I believe it.

Matthew 21:22 "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

At times I feel very overwhelmed. Not with just this, but others too. But again. I can't allow these things to overwhelm me and take over. That is when our focus is moved from God to ourselves. God doesn't promise us to help ourselves, but rather help us THROUGH him.

Lamentations 3:21-23

21 Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

So that is where I am with that. Other news....my mom and dad are FINALLY moving back "HOME" to Tennessee!! Yippy! I am so happy as well as the kids. It will be nice to have the grandparents nice and close. When they came to visit last weekend, Colton had a BLAST!!! He loved and Loved and LOVED on grandma. He has found him a buddy for sure.

Something funny, well not to me , but others have laughed. A cow at my corn. Yes, you read that right. Someone's cow got out and found it's way to my garden and ate ALL my corn. About 60 stalks. I was MAD!!! All that work and good eatin down the drain. HUH!! I hope that stinkin cow is good and full. There also has been a BIG HUGE MONSTROUS groundhog eating his fill of fresh garden veggies too. My zucchini, squash and cucumbers are doing fabulously!! I am having a lot of zucchini bread. Not a bad thing. I really do love my garden. It is very rewarding. I think a fence around the garden is a MUST next year though.

I took Colton to Lowe's for their children's "I Built It" workshop. If you have a little one, this is a must. It is so cute. The children get an apron, goggles and a kit. They build their project and then get a patch and certificate. The little kit is simple. The children get to use a hammer to put the "project" together. So far we have made a baseball game and a dune buggy. Our Lowe's has them every other week. I think Home Depot also does these, but they are once a month.

Last, my little man has turned three. My oh my, where has the time gone. Colton is wonderful. Kind, thoughtful, persistent, full of energy, SMART ( I am NOT just saying this because I am his mother. As a teacher, I know.) funny, detailed, driven, loves life, loves laughter, loves family, and so many more things. We had a car party for Colton. Very appropriate. Cars, trains and trucks are his FAVORITE things to play with. All boy!!

9 months

2008-06-13T16:13:00.003-04:00

Little girl is now 9 moths old. This small package is PRECIOUS!!! She is now 16# 6 oz and a whole 25 inches tall. She will be petite. Carmyn is so joyful and brightens up all our lives and all who she encounters.

I would ask for prayers for her. We seem to be behind on our milestones. She is non-verbal at this point, so we are having her hearing tested. She is also is not sitting on her own. And is not close to it either. She doesn't crawl, creep or move on her belly. She seems to have very poor trunk control. I have TEIS (Tennessee Early Intervention Systems) coming out to evaluate her. So we will see. Carmyn also refuses to eat anything. No food, cereal, fruits veggies from a jar or table alike. She will NOT take a bottle at all. I can't nurse forever. So hope to have some answers soon. Carmyn is so precious and I just pray all is well and we can catch up quickly. All this aside, Carmyn is so happy and literally never cries or fusses. I can truly count on one hand her cries. So please pray for this sweet girl to be touched by God's mighty hand and all will be well.

Garden

2008-05-01T15:31:00.005-04:00

Beautiful Babies

Happy and Laughing

Tilling our first garden
My little man and me
Working hard tilling the ground

Looks kinda BIG

We hope we make our grandpa proud.

PICTURES GALORE

2008-04-18T11:43:00.004-04:00

Well, here are a ton of over due pictures.

Baby girl is now 7 months old. She is our little one. Weighing 15#5oz and

24.5 inches long. She is a complete joy to our family. She smiles and squeals all the time. A true delight. The big man....he is in to it ALL!! A complete boy. He loves to yell, run, climb, grab, dig, jump and anything else his little hands can get in to. Yet, he is so sensitive, sweet, in tuned with others and very VERY smart. He LOVES his sister. So much love we have to very careful as you can see.

I took her away immediately after the photo. He is hugging, not wrestling.

He loves his letter right now. He knows all his letters. We are now associating letters with words. EX: T is for Tausha S is for Stevie M is for Mommy

Y is for yarn.

Happy girl when I am not putting a spoon in her mouth.

Singing Baa Baa Black Sheep to sister.

Laid back watching Tom & Jerry....Daddy's favorite.

Too cute. Look at he curl.

Too cute.

Squeezin' Love
Laying by daddy.
Trying our cereal....Nay...don't like it.
Happy.

She has her lips perched closed so the spoon won't go in. She does this every time we eat.

After week one, no easier. She does not like it.

She would rather have "mommy milk" as brother calls it.

2008-04-04T22:28:00.002-04:00

Lamentations 3:22-24

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

Thank you God for new days. Thank you that this day is over and there is a new day to come.

Faith Of A Child

2008-03-16T10:49:00.005-04:00

2 Timothy 3:14-15

But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.

Proverbs 22::6

Train up a child in the ways he should go,

And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Building the foundation, that is what I am trying to do. I know this can not be done over night. It can't even be done in a year. It will takes years. I have so many prayers, hopes and dreams for my children. Mostly about character. I pray they are faithful, joyful, kind, generous, thoughtful, respectful, obedient, loving, empathetic, devoted, and above all else to love the Lord their God with all their heart, with all their soul, and with all their strength.

You know, some days get long. I wonder if any thing is getting through. I wonder if I am doing my child justice. Will he (they) be all those things and more. I wonder if he is understanding any thing about Jesus. Is he starting to remember the stories. Will he be able to grasp His love. (actually many many adults struggle with this) Then my son does something to amaze me. We say our prayers nightly. I will ask him to name three things he is thankful for. He always says the same three things; puppy, blankie and Roo. Pretty cute. Then we go on with our prayer request. We have some family members sick, hurt, and struggling. One day out of the blue while we were driving down the road, he starts naming the people and their prayer request. Amazing. He IS listening.

Just recently he started talking about his aunt, who has thyroid cancer. He goes on and on about her "owie on her neck" and we "pray it feel better" and "cut it to make it better" and "owie go away". We were coloring one day and he asked me to draw a red truck, then blue truck and then yellow, orange, green, brown and black. He then told be "feel better" and "owie go away Aunt T." So we made his aunt a get well card and took it to her. The way he so intently explained each detail was so sweet and tender. He genuinely loves her and doesn't want her to hurt. Hurt in the only way a two 1/2 year old understands.

So, although it may seem as if they are not paying attention, they are. Although it may seem that seed will never grow, it will. It just takes patience, pruning and LOTS of TLC.

Precious Babies

2008-03-13T22:57:00.004-04:00

Look at these two little stinkers. Can you say trouble?? They are so cute. I do have to watch brother because he likes to squeeze baby sister and sing

"Rock- A- Bye-Baby". He takes the "rock" part very serious.

She has discoverd her toes.
Smiling
Beautiful girl
Loving her toes.
To be so flexible.

Let It Snow!

2008-03-12T11:07:00.005-04:00

We finally got some snow Saturday!! Yea!

Now, I know some of you that live where "real" snow falls, you may look at this and think...what...there is no snow. But for us, this is a lot.

Colton had a blast. We played "run chase" around the house for a hour.

We were thankful for the snow Saturday and are thankful for our 70 degrees today! Gotta love the south. So unpredictable.

Who queen or king

2008-03-05T21:36:00.005-05:00

Who needs a drama queen when I have the king!!! Have you ever heard of pay backs? Well apparently I am getting mine. My parents use to call me Jane Wayne because they said if John had a sister I would be it. So I was a bit dramatic at times. What kid is not. But mine however....I believe he takes the cake.

Who drops their cup, blankie (which is dragged all through the house with him), puppy (also is dragged along) or Roo costume from two years ago (also dragged through the house) less than 6 inches in front of them and calls out, "Momma Momma Momma!" It sounds like a child suffering in true pain. Oh it is pain alright. "Momma, get." Another words pick these up for me because I can't possibly do it myself.

Here is a new one. "I scawed."
"Really, of what honey?"
"Drawgon Master"
"Of who?"
"Drawgon Master."
"Who is Dragon Master?"
"Do not be afraid God is wif you and make you srong." He smiles so big saying this. Know he is so cute.

We really don't watch martial art shows. Where did this come from??

When Colton and daddy are playing a ball and he gets bonked on the head with his little plastic ball he falls to the ground and then runs to me. "oooooooohhhhhh. Kiss momma, ouchie." I am telling you DRAMA!!

I am sure it is age. Really has to be. I grew out of it!!

Back on HighSpeed!!

2008-03-03T08:33:00.003-05:00

Back on High Speed!! YEA!! So here are some pictures. More to come!!

Funny Man playing cars on his new bed. He is saying, "Are you serious?"
See her checking out brother.
Love one another.
Our first movie! Veggie Tales, popcorn and a coke. What could be better??
Precious Girl and mommy
So pretty!

Realistic to me!

2008-02-28T20:13:00.004-05:00

Call me unrealistic if you want, but we are avoiding ALL public places like the plague. The flu is running rapid around here. When the hospitals say don’t visit loves ones because there are too many virus in the air, you know there is a problem. We have been setting up camp at home for about two weeks and will probably for a few more. I DO NOT want my children sick or myself. I was in the hospital once with a sick children during flu season and I think that was enough for me.

So yes, I am stir crazy. Spring can not poke her little head any sooner for me!!
Here are some very cute saying by a 2 ½ year old.

Are you serious?

Oh, here it is.

That is awesome!
Taco Bell PPPPPLLLLEEEAAASSSEEE mommy or daddy. Ok thank you. ( All in one sentence. He answers for his self.)

Chocolate milk? Strawberry milk? Ok ok ok white milk!

Go to Wal-Mart and buy more.

Grandma Grandpa make it for you.

Hold you. (Referring to self.)

Play run chase in the kitchen? PPPPLLLLEEEEAAAASSSSEEE, ok.

Carmyn need mommy milk.

I sorry! Thank you! I love you! ( he answers for me now because that is what I say when he says sorry)

Do not be afraid God will make you strong. ( he says that in the dark)

No don't want to. ( Don't you just love that???Ha!)

WAL-MART

2008-02-04T21:21:00.000-05:00

I just have to say....my son should do a Wal-Mart commercial. Seeing how when ever something is broke, we run out of food or drinks or just want a new toy, I hear "Go Wal-Mart and buy more." I think it may say more about me than him. YIKES!

Little of this and that

2008-02-04T08:42:00.000-05:00

GO GIANTS!! What an exciting game. I can't believe they took down the Patriots!

What is happening here? Not a whole lot. It is cold and rainy. I am really looking forward to warm weather. I know Colton is too, if not more. It is hard to be cooped up inside all day. I don't mind playing in cool to cold weather with Colton, I just can't take a 5 month old outside in this weather. So we remain inside.

I tried potty training for about a week. Colton would have nothing to do with it. "NO," he would say every time I took him to the potty. I would have him sit on the potty and 5 minutes later he would go in his underwear. I felt like I had a new puppy and I was cleaning up pee all through the house. You think they have potty training schools for children like they do dogs?? Haha. Just kidding. Really though, I think this is hard. I am taking a break and will try again later. I was really wanting him trained by 3years old. (June). I guess we will see. Any advice??

Carmyn is growing so quickly. She is PRECIOUS!!! She is so content. She just lays and grins. Grins and lays. Carmyn loves to watch Colton. He loves her too. He will occasionally take a break from playing and kiss Carmyn or tickle her feet. I do pray that they are close siblings and play well together. My brothers and I are 10 years apart. One 10 yrs older and one 10 yrs younger, so I didn't have a play mate. Chris is also 10 yrs younger than his sister, so we purposely want our children close in age.

Proverbs 29:25
25 The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that.

This is a verse I have been meditating on. Powerful huh? Too often I think we try to please one another, parents, in laws, friends, co workers, church members and friends. All against what we know what is right or what we really want and need to be doing. But if we trust in God and know what we are doing is pleasing to God, then what do we fear?? I am praying about this. What do you think?

Christmas and Birthday

2008-01-19T10:46:00.001-05:00

Still here! My stupid computer has been down since Christmas. Very aggravating for sure.

My mom and dad made Colton an AWESOME bed for Christmas. Here are some picture of the little guy in them. They have started a great business and are now selling handmade beds.

**I will have to wait to upload pictures. We are still working a getting high speed back.**

Happy Birthday to ME!! I am 31 as of yesterday!! I had a great birthday!! It started off with my

sweet hubby allowing me to sleep in. I haven't done that in 2 1/2 years!! It was nice!! It ended wit ha nice dinner at the Olive Garden. My favorite.

Little Carmyn is just a growing. She is so sweet. Very content. We are thoroughly blessed with good children.

That is all for the moment. The computer is EXTREMELY slow since it is dial up at the moment. I hope and truly pray we have high speed by the end of the week. Then I can really up date and show pictures of the kids.

You Have Been Elfed

2007-12-15T10:19:00.000-05:00

Please consider your self ELFED! This is very cute. Pass it on to your family and friends.

The Next Iron Chef

2007-12-06T20:33:00.000-05:00

We are blending
Putting the cupcake paper in the tin
Finger in the batter
Tasting batter

I so enjoy baking and cooking. A gift I received from my father, who is an excellent cook. I do hope to pass this joy on to my kids. If nothing else, they can at least make a decent meal for themselves or impress a loved one. That is how I won Chris' heart. Or maybe my dad did because he ate at our house EVERY night throughout high school.

Either way, it worked out for me.

What a cute little boy for sure!! He likes to help with "momma's cooking" as he calls it.

Hair Bows!! Makes momma smile!

2007-12-03T16:04:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Black-eyed Sue who loves to

do hair, Carmyn is now sporting a bow.

Isn't she adorable!! Oh, sweet baby girl,

the fun things to come. Do you notice her princess shirt??

That she is already!

I wish that she would stay small for a little longer. This time goes by too quickly for me.

November Pictures

2007-11-27T13:28:00.000-05:00

Here are some beautiful pictures of my family. Carmyn is really growing fast. She is such a joy. I think with a second child, I have been more relaxed. In return, I have been able to enjoy her so much more than I did Colton. With Colton I was a nervous wreck. Also wondering what I should be doing better, is he okay and I always felt like a failure constantly. Not this time. This time I am ENJOYING motherhood.

Carmyn LOVES her brother. She smiles and cooes at him all the time.
Colton LOVES Carmyn. He ask to "hold her" all the time. He will also ask for a "picture". Then I am to "take her." Very cute. He looks at her as while he is playing and will say, "AAHH Carmyn." Then go "wee wee wee" for the little piggy that went wee wee all the way home.
Here is my attempt to make "family" Christmas pictures for our family calendar.
Colton doesn't like to smile for the camera.

Colton is aggravated because I keep taking pictures.

I wish you could see her dark blue eyes. I hope they stay that way.

Me and my favorite girl just posing. I love these.

Question to anyone who knows. How do I keep my pictures from showing red eyes? That drives me CRAZY!!

Well, off to rest before the kids get up. I hope you enjoy the updated pictures. I really need to get on here and write. I have so many thoughts brewing. Just not enough time right now.

Another MUST buy

2007-11-07T09:13:00.000-05:00

I have another must buy. I went to our local used bookstore and found this video, Fruitcake Christmas. It is a Max Lucado children's film. I enjoy anything by Max Lucado. He is one of my very favorite authors. Colton also is loving this video so much. I really like it because it is a fun way to send the message of Christmas. God sent His Son as a gift for us on Christmas.

Have a Happy Wednesday.

*For some reason the movie Fruitcake Christmas did not come up on Life Way. So just type it in. I don't hve time to fix it now, I need to feed the baby and start my day with two kids. I hope you don't mind looing it up.*

Watch That Belle

2007-11-04T08:21:00.000-05:00

It is that time of year again. Christmas. Please don't think I am passing up Thanksgiving. I am not. I will give Thanksgiving it's proper due. But at any rate. Christmas time is here. You hear the music, see the decorations in the store and even see advertisements for Christmas shows and toys for sale. All of this just makes me feel excited like a kid inside. So you know I just HAD to break out the Christmas movies. Colton already has a favorite. If you don't own it....YOU MUST BUY IT NOW!! It is PRECIOUS! It is called Anna Belle's Wish. Colton wants to watch it ALL the time. "Watch That Belle," he says. "In the moning, Watch That Belle, in the moning." "Watch That Belle wake up" That is after nap. "Watch that Belle couch" That is before bed. We watch AnnaBelle in the morning, after nap and before bed. It would be more if I allowed him to. When the tap is over he will say, "Watch that again." As you can see, we love AnnaBelle. So, go out and get you a copy today!! Do I sound like a commercial?? HA!!

BTW~We watched "noman" and he also loved it. So now I can spice up the movie selection! Yea!

I just love the holidays!! Sipping coffee or cocoa and watch movies. I am so excited to share this with my children.

Happy Halloween and Happy 6 weeks Old

2007-10-22T13:41:00.000-04:00

Well, a lot can happen in 6 weeks. First of all, I hope you enjoy the ton of pictures. I don't post often right now, so I went a little crazy!!

Today is a good day! I feel good and the kids are doing great. I hope I can remember this feeling when I am down and feeling FAT, depressed, worthless as a wife and mother and a horrible child of God. How quickly things can change.

I am still working with Colton. He has his moments.....daily! I am trying to figure out what is the best discipline with him. I want to be firm and consistent, but not to make him feel it is all because of the baby. Colton mostly pulls all his behavior problem while I am nursing. I know why. He wants my attention. However, I can't get him to play, read or watch a movie during that time. This is the time he decides to hit, smack, scream, climb and get into EVERYTHING! What to do??? I don't know. I just pray my sweet and obedient will surface. Colton is coming around to Carmyn. He will ask to "Hold it." Which I think is pretty cute. He is VERY concerned for her passy. He will make sure she has it at all times. He doesn't like her crying and will want to "Hug it" to make her feel better. Very sweet!! I am excited to watch their relationship blossom. I pray they are close friends. I didn't have that growing up, so it is important to me.

Happy 6 Weeks today!!

I Love you Carmyn

Happy Girl

Here is Colton with Star, his Mimi's dog. He Loves Star very much.

Carmyn's first grin!! October 20, 2007.
We weren't smiling about UT's HORRIBLE loss to Bama.

Carmyn is beginning to interact and play with her toys. Precious!

Carmyn is a kitty at the Boo at Zoo

Little Tigger..isn't he cute.

We went to Boo at the Zoo and here is Colton with Pooh friends.

Carmyn and Pooh

Carmyn and Colton before we went to the Pumpkin Patch

Here is my handsome guy with his cute little pumpkin he picked all by his self.

Now here is the sweetest and saddest picture of all. Colton is now is a big boy bed. :( I cried. My baby boy is growing up.

Well, here is month worth of pictures. I am very grateful for my family. What a blessing. I hope to be back soon. I hope you all have a great Halloween.

At wits end

2007-10-03T17:11:00.000-04:00

You know, I don't know if it is the terrible twos or the adjustment of a new baby, but my child has been captured by aliens and is a total BRAT!! Yes I said BRAT!! We left a sweet boy and came home to ..... I am still trying to figure it out. Now, really it is just towards me. I can tell he is mad and not fond of adjusting and sharing his time with little sister.
Yesterday was the day from hell. I won't go into detail because it is over, but I cried a lot. I want to teach Colton to be loving, kind, considerate, patient, gentle, sweet, honest, joyful, and the list goes on. It seems like a daunting task considering his behavior lately. I know this is a season....I pray that is all it is....but it is quite exhausting. Not to mention the lack of sleep due to breast feeding every 2-3 hours around the clock doesn't help.

So I pray Dear God,

Help me during this time. Help me to be loving, kind, gentle, and patient.

Please give me the wisdom I need to pass on to this little man.

To teach him to be called "A Man After Your Own Heart."

To teach him to be happy, loving, content, wise, gentle, patient, and obedient.

All of this from the heart.

God I pray Colton will have all these traits and they will come from

the heart and not just because he is "told to."

Lord, please help me to see my errors and

change what I need to change about myself.

Help me to recognize my sinful nature and repent those ways.

God help me to become the mother you have called me to be.

Lord, I pray tomorrow is better.

For this is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.

I love you Lord. Thank you for loving me

in spite of what I am and how I act.

Thank you God for my children. Thank you for breathing life into them

and giving them to me as a gift for this time on earth.

In Your Precious Name I Pray~

Amen

FAMILY OF FOUR

2007-09-22T08:19:00.000-04:00

The smallest UT fan!
Sleeping soundly
Proud Momma
Proud Parents
Little Pink Cap, looking Vogue
Going Home!!
Proud Big Brother

Carmyn is here. CARmyn not to be confused with CAMryn. People keep saying it wrong. She came on September 10th, after a doctor visit I was admitted for early induction. There was a concern that she was very small and not growing well. Carmyn was measuring a month behind. We were all worried. But you know what...God is so good. He is the Creator. He chose Carmyn, us as her parents, her time of birth, and her purpose in life long before I knew of her. Carmyn was completely healthy and strong weigh in at 6#11oz and 18 in long. She is perfect, beautiful and a complete joy. The second time around you just don't have the same anxieties, which is nice. My worries still lean towards Colton. Is he feeling loved, does he understand, do I give him enough time and attention, etc.

Satan has really tried to attack us since we have had Carmyn. In 12 days I came home to a sick 2 year old with the stomach virus (which in turn caused A LOT of washing), then a double ear infection, along with PLENTY of melt downs by Colton, Carmyn spitting up too much and not gaining weight (still 6#6oz on day 8 which is where we were when we left the hospital), breast infection, and allergic reaction to the prescription. But Satan has not attacked my spirit. No, he can not get me this time. I am feeling God's presence and blessings. I still find the joy in the midst of it all. Praises to God!!!

So I just wanted to share the good news....that is if anyone still checks here. I will be back, just not very often due to my time right now. Maybe when I am getting a little more rest. 2-3 hours feeding schedule is exhausting right now, but it won't last.

Signing Off

2007-08-16T09:10:00.000-04:00

Well, with much thought and prayer, I am signing off. I need to. I have known for awhhile now but have been fighting with the flesh. I am spending way to much time blogging. I don't necessarily write a lot, but I do sure read many. My hours get away from me too easily. I feel I need to spend this time focused on my family and home. Especially with a new little one coming along. This year I am also really going to focus on starting to teach Colton a few things and I can't do that when my nose is in the computer and I keep telling him. Go play, I will be there soon.
I know many of you balance this well. I am very proud of you. However, I can't. So for the very few that read this. Bye! I hope life continues to treat you and your family well and you're blessed beyond measure.

Home again

2007-08-01T12:42:00.000-04:00

We have not taken a vacation in 4 years and this year we took two. I just came back from camping in Kentucky at Yogi's Jelly Stone Park. We had a fun yet a VERY EXHAUSTING time. We swam, played at the park, went on a hay ride, hugged Yogi every morning, went to Kentucky Down Under and pet some kangaroos, goat, snakes, birds, and cows, and went to
Mammoth Cave on a tour. Mercy, WHAT WAS I THINKING that day????!!!! I had to carry my crying son for half of that and climb over 200 steps. Yes, you read that right....200 steps. I did all this 32 weeks pregnant. CRAZY for sure. Needles to say, I am tired!!! I am glad to be home. NO MORE VACATIONS!! Maybe next year???

I have to say the hardest part of the trip was my family. I am
SOOOO WAY different from my brother, his wife and how he is raising his children. His children are wild to me. They not only watch WCW Wrestling, but they practice on one another. The youngest is 3. When he is angry or told no he will power drive and punch who is ever in front of him. This happened to Colton one too many times. We brought lots of toys for Colton to play with. They brought NONE. So when Colton went to play with his own trucks my nephew would get mad and hit him. Colton could not understand what was happening to him. Did my brother correct his child??? NO!! My mother and I had to. By the end of the week Colton was trying to hit us, Chris and I. Now that we are home, he seems to be back to his loving self again. We are NOT rough people and hitting or yelling at us or each other will NOT be tolerated. What was so sweet was when we got home Sunday morning at 2:00am Colton woke up. You would have thought it was Christmas morning. He ran through the house, played, laughed and grinned from ear to ear. We have played here all week and that has been very nice. I really don't want to go anywhere.

I don't mean to bash my brother. I love him. But I DO NOT agree with this behavior. Along with the lack of discipline. What I saw was this, kids are sooo influenced by each other. In just one week of Colton watching his cousins, he began to yell, hit and throw screaming fits like them. Just another confirmation to home school. Until I feel he is able to handle being his own person. And build Godly and family values.

Now, I am on the count down to baby Carmyn. She will be here in 7 weeks or less. Chris painted the room a beautiful pink. We have ordered her a white crib that I just love. My parents bought the bedding and are bringing it in two weeks. So things are coming along. I am being to feel really uncomfortable now. I know it is not time but I am just about ready. At this point I think, how can my belly grow anymore. But it will. I go to the doctor Monday. I am anxious to hear what they have to say.

Well, I guess that is all for now.

Blessings to all!

PICTURE??

2007-07-12T16:41:00.000-04:00

Well by georgey, I believe I have a picture. I scanned it this time. Yippy!! Mammie, my mother in law, took this picture today. I love it because I can RARELY get my son to smile. Colton had his two year check up today. He did great with the finger prick. The blood and all didn't bother him. But the light in his ears and nose.....whoa! You would have thought they were hurting him. But over all, let me just say.....I think I we have a boy that is going to be on the line. There is not quarterback, tight in, receiver in this house. NO!! He is weighing 32#'s and is 32 1/2 in tall. Needless to say he is in the 90% and has always been except for his birth. That boy figured out how to eat early and hasn't stopped yet. Really, I think he is cutie pie. Maybe I will put up some beach and prego pictures next.

Update

2007-07-11T15:57:00.000-04:00

Praises to my Father in Heaven. Carmyn is fine. No she is great! Her measurements were fine. I am 30 weeks and she is measuring on average of 29 weeks and 4 days. Her organs all looked good. They think she already has hair. Colton had a head full. They determined that the measuring was off (using the tape) because she is soooo low. She really is. I can feel her kick on the top of my private area. (Sorry if that is too much info.)
I also got to see her in 4D. The tech just got a new machine and I was her first patient. So we were able to look for free!! It was really cool. I was able to see her sleeping with her little hands tucked under her chin. She has full, plump lips like her daddy. It was really cool.
So once again....God is good ALL the time. All the time God is good!!
So, 10 more weeks or so and we get to meet this little girl. I am getting sooo excited. I do want to enjoy this time being pregnant and time with Colton alone. However, I am just ready for the change, getting a routine established (is that possible) and to know "this is what it is like to have two kids. It will be here soon enough.

Honoring My Husband Week 2

2007-07-09T22:59:00.000-04:00

Well, how did I do last week? Fair. I still have much needed work.

I really need to be more affectionate. I wish this came more naturally. I want to be. I truly do. I see others do it. I see and experience Chris doing it first hand. I just am not. I really want to concentrate my prayers on this.
I need to continue to pray for Chris and his stress. I think the reality that Carmyn will be here in 10 weeks or less is starting to set in. He is stressed. I pray for his stress and that God will make a way. He will continue to provide for us like He has the past two years with me not working.
I will continue to pray for our families health and to STOP nagging. I did better on about that this week. The desire has to come from God and not me. Chris did say we could save and start using Bread Beckers.

Bread Beckers is a Christian company that sells whole wheat flour to mill at home. It is a wonderful product and you should look at the site if you have the time. I have been researching it for several months and am now ready to jump on board. But that is all together another blog.

I would also like to request prayer. I went to the doctor today. I am 30 weeks tomorrow, Tuesday and Carmyn is measuring at 28 weeks. So I am going to have an ultrasound Wednesday to make sure everything is alright. I am really not concerned. I believe in my heart that God knit this little girl together and created her for a purpose. I believe that my due date is off some. I also believe she may be smaller, which is NOT bad. Chris' mom and her family are small. His mom is only 5'2". So maybe she will take after her side of the family. I have continued to grow and gain weight. Just a little slower. So please pray that Carmyn is Healthy & Strong. Thank you so much. I will update Wednesday afternoon.

Honoring My Husband

2007-07-02T21:32:00.000-04:00

I first want to say that our computer is ancient,6 years old. We can only get dial up here in the boonies. So therefore I can not get pictures to load. AAAHHH!!

I wanted to add the logo for 30 day of prayer for my husband. But I know I don't need a logo to do that. So I just want to join in. I am a little late since I was gone all last week. But that doesn't really matter either. This is my time to lift up Chris and work on ME!! And I need A LOT of work.

The three things I would like to work on this week are....

Being more affectionate. I came from a family of very cold people. Just not loving. Well, my dad is somewhat but my mother is not at all. I have noticed as I get older I have a lot of those traits and I DON'T like them. Chris is VERY affectionate, touchy & feeling, and lovable. I want to be more affectionate towards Chris. So I commit to great Chris with a hug & kiss each morning & night and as he leaves & comes home from work.
Pray for Chris' stress of supporting a family. I think I sometimes take for granted the sacrifice he makes with work for me to stay home. A dream and desire of both of ours.
To stop nagging about what he eats. I tend to eat healthy and he tends to eat junk food. So I harp about his health and the habits I think he is teaching Colton. I commit to pray about his health and leave the rest in God's hands.

Well, that is my goal for the week. I pray that I can do these things with God's help. I am truly blessed with a WONDERFUL husband. I want to honor him in the way the Lord would have it be.